Depression

[Docca]

Had a conversation with the Gremlinette this evening. Her anxiety has become a real issue and there's been falling outs in her house in Manchester, adding to it.
We are currently funding her uni fees, accommodation, etc. but she's virtually housebound by her anxiety, over-thinking, etc and we're thinking it would be better if she finishes her degree here, as in a year and a half she's been to two lectures, has not made any real friends outside the house. Would save us a few quid, but then I feel we're quitting.
Every time she calls these days my heart sinks as I know I'll end up calming her down and telling her to stop crying ,everything will be OK.
The counselling seems to having no discernable effect, our coaxing to join clubs, attend mental health drop-in sessions get met with agreement, but there's always an excuse as to why she didn't go.

Not sure what to do for the best, really.

Counselling will rarely touch the sides if symptoms are that profound. I’d personally go private if you can: get psychologist who specialises in CBT. They’ll work through something called a ‘formulation’ and start to tease out root cause(s).

You can get OTC beta blockers ( or prescribed ones) if you want to keep with GP care. Other medicines are available via different routes- but you might need to force a bit of a leg-up to get the thinking bit to a place where it can focus on addressing how to deal with it.

For anxiety, the reaction is typically behavioural in response to the antecedent. A blunt example: you have a panic attack in a supermarket, you end up avoiding supermarkets and if progressively worse- that’s how phobias can start ( agoraphobia in this example which is quite literally ‘fear of the market place’).

When it gets to these extremes, you’ll look for your escape route to deal with symptoms. A lot of folk use alcohol - some obvious statement here about swapping one thing for another.


Anxiety and depression go together like basil and tomatoes; thriving off each other and need containing. What I’m saying here is the anxiety may be itself the escape for more depressive symptoms. Etc etc etc.

[gremlin]

She's been on meds for a while, though she says with negligible effect. She's got a call with the GP today, by coincidence. She's had several cycles of counseling and hypnotherapy, too.
I do wonder if I have unrealistic expectations of how quickly improvement can occur, but I worry that her world is slowly shrinking due to her anxieties. We've already scrubbed her coming to Skiathois with us and a bunch of other friends as she didn't feel she could handle the flying and being somewhere other than home. She hasn't seen my mum in ages because of the one hour drive to see her. Makes me worried for her future.
She needs to go back up to Manny soon to clear her stuff out of the shared flat. We did offer to go up with her to help, but she says she wants to do it alone, so maybe she is pushing herself out of her comfort zone.

[fingerpuk]

So, yes. Where to start.

Trigger warning, I am going to talk about suicide. Mods please delete if not appropriate.

I suffer with depression. And suicidal thoughts. As in - I know how I’d do it, where. It’s planned out. I have my affairs in order and every couple of months go through phases of tidying, and getting ready so my family has an easier time of it.

I’ve spoken to people, it’s never helped. I don’t like people, which is part of the problem. I’ve spoken to my other half but she will never understand the noise in my head. I’m autistic, ADHD, and suffering with an excellent albeit damaged brain. I cannot switch off, hear every conversation in the room, every noise. To keep my brain quiet I have to over stimulate - like a hot shower for sunburn. ADHD meds can help but it’s a short relief.

My depression is getting worse as I de mask. I’ve been pretending for so long to fit in, and as I stop and learn about who I actually am I realise I wasted the first 46 years. When I drink to dumb everything down. If I charged my moods they’d be extremes. I feel trapped living in the south, but with my family I can’t leave. So yeah - Ive been very close several times but assumed I don’t want to do it otherwise I would have.

Maybe I need to move to the north and live the quiet life. The south is one big car park. I’m an extremely visual processor and a designer by trade so poorly designed stuff pisses me off and the south is basically a perfect example of that.

[Taipan]

That’s so sad. Having been though my Son surviving an attempt on his life snd trying to come to terms with his wanting to kill himself was difficult yo say the least.

Apparently, I was way off base when I tried to explain to him that life has hardships but the lows make the highs better and begged him to come to terms with things and keep that in mind. He told me that had relevance as he simply didn’t want you to be here any longer. I had no answer to that and have probably never felt as useless as I did then.

I don’t know what changed and nor does he and it wasn’t pills or counselling but change he has. Still quick rtemperered and easily frustrated but has somehow learnt to deal with things. This changed him enough that he functions better as a person and now has a lovely lady in his life too.

I don’t really know why I’m telling you this, only to sort of illustrate there is another side to life and I hope you too can find it…

[weeksy]

So, yes. Where to start.

Trigger warning, I am going to talk about suicide. Mods please delete if not appropriate.

I suffer with depression. And suicidal thoughts. As in - I know how I’d do it, where. It’s planned out. I have my affairs in order and every couple of months go through phases of tidying, and getting ready so my family has an easier time of it.

I’ve spoken to people, it’s never helped. I don’t like people, which is part of the problem. I’ve spoken to my other half but she will never understand the noise in my head. I’m autistic, ADHD, and suffering with an excellent albeit damaged brain. I cannot switch off, hear every conversation in the room, every noise. To keep my brain quiet I have to over stimulate - like a hot shower for sunburn. ADHD meds can help but it’s a short relief.

My depression is getting worse as I de mask. I’ve been pretending for so long to fit in, and as I stop and learn about who I actually am I realise I wasted the first 46 years. When I drink to dumb everything down. If I charged my moods they’d be extremes. I feel trapped living in the south, but with my family I can’t leave. So yeah - Ive been very close several times but assumed I don’t want to do it otherwise I would have.

Maybe I need to move to the north and live the quiet life. The south is one big car park. I’m an extremely visual processor and a designer by trade so poorly designed stuff pisses me off and the south is basically a perfect example of that.

There's very little on here that the mods are not ok with.

You're perfectly fine to discuss this here. If it can help in any way at all, we're all for it

[Yorick]

So, yes. Where to start.

Trigger warning, I am going to talk about suicide. Mods please delete if not appropriate.

I suffer with depression. And suicidal thoughts. As in - I know how I’d do it, where. It’s planned out. I have my affairs in order and every couple of months go through phases of tidying, and getting ready so my family has an easier time of it.

I’ve spoken to people, it’s never helped. I don’t like people, which is part of the problem. I’ve spoken to my other half but she will never understand the noise in my head. I’m autistic, ADHD, and suffering with an excellent albeit damaged brain. I cannot switch off, hear every conversation in the room, every noise. To keep my brain quiet I have to over stimulate - like a hot shower for sunburn. ADHD meds can help but it’s a short relief.

My depression is getting worse as I de mask. I’ve been pretending for so long to fit in, and as I stop and learn about who I actually am I realise I wasted the first 46 years. When I drink to dumb everything down. If I charged my moods they’d be extremes. I feel trapped living in the south, but with my family I can’t leave. So yeah - Ive been very close several times but assumed I don’t want to do it otherwise I would have.

Maybe I need to move to the north and live the quiet life. The south is one big car park. I’m an extremely visual processor and a designer by trade so poorly designed stuff pisses me off and the south is basically a perfect example of that.

Fire away. Pour your heart out on here. No judges here.
Hope you find the help you need.

[Noggin]

So, yes. Where to start.

Trigger warning, I am going to talk about suicide. Mods please delete if not appropriate.

I suffer with depression. And suicidal thoughts. As in - I know how I’d do it, where. It’s planned out. I have my affairs in order and every couple of months go through phases of tidying, and getting ready so my family has an easier time of it.

I’ve spoken to people, it’s never helped. I don’t like people, which is part of the problem. I’ve spoken to my other half but she will never understand the noise in my head. I’m autistic, ADHD, and suffering with an excellent albeit damaged brain. I cannot switch off, hear every conversation in the room, every noise. To keep my brain quiet I have to over stimulate - like a hot shower for sunburn. ADHD meds can help but it’s a short relief.

My depression is getting worse as I de mask. I’ve been pretending for so long to fit in, and as I stop and learn about who I actually am I realise I wasted the first 46 years. When I drink to dumb everything down. If I charged my moods they’d be extremes. I feel trapped living in the south, but with my family I can’t leave. So yeah - Ive been very close several times but assumed I don’t want to do it otherwise I would have.

Maybe I need to move to the north and live the quiet life. The south is one big car park. I’m an extremely visual processor and a designer by trade so poorly designed stuff pisses me off and the south is basically a perfect example of that.

Maybe try not to think of the first 46 years as a waste - those years got you to where you are and learning more about yourself; and as you learn more, hopefully you'll find some balance and quiet

I spent from the age of about 18 wanting to op out. I still have days just because, well people are just shit and all my jobs have always meant I have to interact Some days I manage better than others.

It took coming to the mountains to work out a LOT about myself (despite continually fcking things up, I'm still learning!) - sometimes I wish I'd worked it all out decades ago, but if I had, well, I wouldn't be here. For me, maybe that's worth the last 50 odd years of completely not understanding me. Even when things are shit I'm glad I'm here.


Keep on keeping on lovely - you'd be missed by many

[Trogladyte]

I'm not sure I have much useful to add hear. Touchingly honest stuff here.

I lost my best mate to suicide.

He was such a lovely unique man, who I know as "Dangerous Dave". Many people get drunk and come up with mad schemes which just get laughed about. But DD would follow through. He lived in a Council basement flat in a Georgian terrace. His flat was 2 bed, and the other was 3 bed. The other flat was empty for a while. One night we got drunk and decided it would be hilarious if we knocked through and relocated the doors, so that his flat was 3 bed, and the other a 2 bed - so effectively steal a room off the flat next door. Most people would just laugh, and then have another drink, but Dangerous Dave was at it with a lump hammer and a bolster. He finished it off the following day - a brilliant job, where he even hung the gas and electric meters on the wall where the door had been in the other flat. It was beautifully done, and not at all visible, as he'd plastered, and put on two or three layers of dirty wallpaper. When the Council dudes came round, it didn't cross their minds that the flats had changed - they just assumed that their records were incorrect, and the job was a good 'un.

But DD drank too much, and took various other things to calm his overactive brain. Eventually he was breakfasting on Diamond White, and losing jobs and partners like there was no tomorrow, and did six months inside for drink driving. He told me once on the phone that he'd thought about suicide, but I didn't pay much heed. This was, after all, the famously indestructible Dangerous Dave. And then he took a huge overdose of his partner's insulin, and he was gone for ever.

I still get pangs of guilt from time to time. I could have and should have taken him seriously, and done more to help him address his issues. But at the time I had young kids and my life was busy. It sounds like a weak excuse now, but that's just the way it was. I miss him.

[Wscad]

I don’t know but I’m proper fucked off right now. No good news anywhere. A school boy mate went on holiday in Italy.
Had some breathing issues . He’s dead. Another funeral to go to

Another very good mate..... prostrate issues ... tests scans and all the worry the family had to deal with

Another mate .... your recent blood teat has flagged up something we need to look at....could
be a thyroid problem or a cancer a problem

I’m drinking way too much booze each night these days to help me sleep at night

I have some close friends who I can talk to which helps

Keep this thread going boss man weeksy

[Taipan]

Does sound shit mate but as my Dad once said to me, "As you get older Son, your black suit comes out more often". A sad fact of life we don't all make old age...

[Buckaroo]

I've worn my black suit far too often this year. Started with my dear Mum and it's just kept rolling on.
Not sleeping is my nemesis also.
Hang on in; lighter times will come.

[Taipan]

Ricky Hattons funeral today...

[Sunny]

Flipping it on its head a bit, I reckon dying when you're doing something you enjoy is a good thing - so if your mate died when he was on holiday, he probably went out on a high.

(I should add that my granddad died on holiday (heart attacks), and I've thought ever since that that was a good way to go).

[Trogladyte]

Does sound shit mate but as my Dad once said to me, "As you get older Son, your black suit comes out more often". A sad fact of life we don't all make old age...

Sadly that is very true. I now have more dead friends than live ones, and have been to more funerals than parties every year for a while now.

[gremlin]

IMG-20251120-WA0002.jpg (222.3 KiB) Viewed 2465 times

Gremlinette. Doing much better.

Not quite where she wants to be, but making great progress.

That photo wouldn't have been possible this time last year.

[weeksy]

IMG-20251120-WA0002.jpg

Gremlinette. Doing much better.

Not quite where she wants to be, but making great progress.

That photo wouldn't have been possible thus time last year.

I've read some of your posts with a lot of sadness, i can feel your pain in your words and having a small-one of my own i know the pain you must feel when they're unhappy...

So this post gets a thumbs up from me

[Noggin]

That's so awesome @gremlin

[Wscad]

Seconded @noggin, what a smashing pic, best post of this thread

[Silly Car]

IMG-20251120-WA0002.jpg

Gremlinette. Doing much better.

Not quite where she wants to be, but making great progress.

That photo wouldn't have been possible this time last year.

That is amazing! So happy for the Gremlinette and your family.

[Yorick]

Seems like another sportsman succumbed

https://www.bbc.com/sport/cricket/articles/c33mzp4mxe8o