Jokes Thread

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Saga Lout
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Saga Lout »

Rockburner wrote: Thu Oct 09, 2025 9:47 am
Taipan wrote: Fri Sep 26, 2025 4:50 pm Thats the trouble with forums I suppose, you can only read what is written and not how its said...
We've been agreed on that for ... ooo... at least 20 years. Complete misunderstandings still happen though.
It's what smilies are for, they been around for over 40 years.

"The protocol as a way to use them to communicate emotion in conversations is credited to computer scientist Scott Fahlman, who proposed what came to be known as "smileys"—:-) and :- (—in a message on the bulletin board system (BBS) of Carnegie Mellon University in 1982."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emoticon
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

To infinity... and beyond!

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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by ZRX61 »

A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends. "Oh, no!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He'll be so pissed if it's not ready on time." When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg - and a can of cat food.
With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf. She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.
To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it "Darling, this is the best dinner you've made me in 40 years of marriage! You can make this for me any day?" Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.
She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed. Two months later, her husband died.
The women were sitting around the clubhouse and one of them said, "You killed him "We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in!
"How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?" The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him.
He fell off the windowsill while he was licking his ass."
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Saga Lout »

A punk stopped me on the street
He said, "You got a light, mac?"
I said, "No, but I've got a dark brown overcoat.

First person to tell me the artist, album and song name wins a Soapy tenner. ;)
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Taipan
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Re: Jokes Thread

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trophydan
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by trophydan »

Saga Lout wrote: Sun Oct 12, 2025 9:35 pm First person to tell me the artist, album and song name wins a Soapy tenner. ;)
Could it be Bonzo Dog Doohdah Band, album Gorilla, track name- no idea
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Saga Lout »

trophydan wrote: Mon Oct 13, 2025 11:43 pm
Saga Lout wrote: Sun Oct 12, 2025 9:35 pm First person to tell me the artist, album and song name wins a Soapy tenner. ;)
Could it be Bonzo Dog Doohdah Band, album Gorilla, track name- no idea
I suppose artist and album is close enough for a Soapy fiver.

The track name is ...

No, I think I'll leave it a while in case somebody wants to claim the other fiver. :)
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Count Steer »

Saga Lout wrote: Tue Oct 14, 2025 12:08 am
trophydan wrote: Mon Oct 13, 2025 11:43 pm
Saga Lout wrote: Sun Oct 12, 2025 9:35 pm First person to tell me the artist, album and song name wins a Soapy tenner. ;)
Could it be Bonzo Dog Doohdah Band, album Gorilla, track name- no idea
I suppose artist and album is close enough for a Soapy fiver.

The track name is ...

No, I think I'll leave it a while in case somebody wants to claim the other fiver. :)
Big Shot. (Lifted from an episode of Hancock's Half Hour).
The plural of 'anecdote' is not 'data'.
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Saga Lout »

Count Steer wrote: Tue Oct 14, 2025 7:56 am
Saga Lout wrote: Tue Oct 14, 2025 12:08 am
trophydan wrote: Mon Oct 13, 2025 11:43 pm

Could it be Bonzo Dog Doohdah Band, album Gorilla, track name- no idea
I suppose artist and album is close enough for a Soapy fiver.

The track name is ...

No, I think I'll leave it a while in case somebody wants to claim the other fiver. :)
Big Shot. (Lifted from an episode of Hancock's Half Hour).
A Soapy fiver is winging its way to you across the ether. :thumbup:
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

Ain't that the truth! :D

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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Skub »

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"Be kind to past versions of yourself that didn't know what you know now."
Walt Whitman
https://soundcloud.com/skub1955
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Re: Jokes Thread

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:?

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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

My Boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick! Probably as his name is Steve...
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Taipan »

Women only have 2 problems in life.
1. Nothing to wear.
2. No room for all their clothes. 🙄
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Tomcat »

Dodgy69 wrote: Wed Oct 15, 2025 4:50 pm Image
And for those who hadn't seen the original undoctored meme...
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Re: Jokes Thread

Post by Tomcat »

Oh the grand old Duke of York
He gave twelve million quid
To someone he had never met
For something he never did
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