Depression

[Sunny]

I don't think that everybody killing themselves is because it feels like it's the 'only option'.
Sometimes it can be when you can't be bothered to start all over again/continue/etc.

People frequently say it's irrational, but I don't think that's always the case.

Though perhaps that perspective doesn't belong on a depression thread. Feel free to delete, obvs.

[darthpunk]

I realised the effect that depression has had on me over the years the other day when I was prompted to look at old emails 2008 after one showed up in a search.

There was an email from Bennets for motorcycle insurance, a quote I must have put in out of curiosity when I first started looking at getting my bike license. Even though I haven't gotten my bike license, I plan to, and nothings changed since that email. I read the mags, watch the you tube videos, keep abreast of the goings on and sometimes hang around on here.

Nothing remarkable about that, except the email was from 2008, all I've done in 17 years was when a flurry of energy prompted me to do my CBT 3 or 4 years ago, then, back to the depressive state of "doing nothing about it"

Seeing that has been like a bucket of cold water to the face

[weeksy]

Seeing that has been like a bucket of cold water to the face

In a 'woke me up and i'm going to sort it ASAP' kind of way ?

[darthpunk]

in a "holy crap, i've wasted 17 years and it's now (this year) or never" kind of way

[Count Steer]

This, quite long, article by Feargal Keane may be of interest.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5ye6d43rqwo

[Yorick]

Just had a lightbulb moment.

Until a month ago, I'd been having huge mobility problems. When the docs finally diagnosed the problems, I was so happy as I'd been really scared.
The painkillers made life OK.
I was just so happy that there was light at the end of the tunnel that any pain was bearable.
Collapsed discs in my neck.

Just Googled and the nerve pain blocker I've been on is also a treatment for anxiety and depression. Well, knock me down with a wet kipper.

Now I know why I've been so bloody happy the last month

Still have some anxiety problems, but any depression and feeling shite have been kicked into touch. Haven't had a down moment in a month. No afternoon naps. All good

Even though I could have some limited mobility forever, I don't care coz the dark side has gone

[the_priest]

Daughter has been sectioned and taken to hospital yesterday. Her health has declined and she needs professional help. We can visit, but it is 2 hours drive from where we live. At least it is a specialist clinic and is very well equipped and staffed. We are exhausted, wrung out and now know we will be dealing with her not wanting to be there. But it is for the best, we love her so much that we will have to step back and allow others to help her. But it is the hardest thing we have had to do. Going there tomorrow for 2 hours. So 2 hours there, 2 hours to chat/cry/encourage and 2 hours home (I really hope it is only 2 hours with M25 traffic).

[Noggin]

Daughter has been sectioned and taken to hospital yesterday. Her health has declined and she needs professional help. We can visit, but it is 2 hours drive from where we live. At least it is a specialist clinic and is very well equipped and staffed. We are exhausted, wrung out and now know we will be dealing with her not wanting to be there. But it is for the best, we love her so much that we will have to step back and allow others to help her. But it is the hardest thing we have had to do. Going there tomorrow for 2 hours. So 2 hours there, 2 hours to chat/cry/encourage and 2 hours home (I really hope it is only 2 hours with M25 traffic).

Loads of love to you all. She will realise it's the right place, hopefully soon, but you are both so strong to do the best for your daughter. Sucks massively that it's so far, and I am sure the first time will be hard, but it will be worth it in the end. Huge love and hugs xx

[MyLittleStudPony]

Daughter has been sectioned and taken to hospital yesterday. Her health has declined and she needs professional help. We can visit, but it is 2 hours drive from where we live. At least it is a specialist clinic and is very well equipped and staffed. We are exhausted, wrung out and now know we will be dealing with her not wanting to be there. But it is for the best, we love her so much that we will have to step back and allow others to help her. But it is the hardest thing we have had to do. Going there tomorrow for 2 hours. So 2 hours there, 2 hours to chat/cry/encourage and 2 hours home (I really hope it is only 2 hours with M25 traffic).

Oh man, that sounds hard. But as you say, it's for the best. I hope the support and care she gets helps her move forward. Sending all best wishes to her, you and your family.

[Yorick]

Daughter has been sectioned and taken to hospital yesterday. Her health has declined and she needs professional help. We can visit, but it is 2 hours drive from where we live. At least it is a specialist clinic and is very well equipped and staffed. We are exhausted, wrung out and now know we will be dealing with her not wanting to be there. But it is for the best, we love her so much that we will have to step back and allow others to help her. But it is the hardest thing we have had to do. Going there tomorrow for 2 hours. So 2 hours there, 2 hours to chat/cry/encourage and 2 hours home (I really hope it is only 2 hours with M25 traffic).

Hope it all works out.

[Buckaroo]

Daughter has been sectioned and taken to hospital yesterday. Her health has declined and she needs professional help. We can visit, but it is 2 hours drive from where we live. At least it is a specialist clinic and is very well equipped and staffed. We are exhausted, wrung out and now know we will be dealing with her not wanting to be there. But it is for the best, we love her so much that we will have to step back and allow others to help her. But it is the hardest thing we have had to do. Going there tomorrow for 2 hours. So 2 hours there, 2 hours to chat/cry/encourage and 2 hours home (I really hope it is only 2 hours with M25 traffic).

I can't imagine how this must feel for you and your family. Life can be so cruel at times, but, as others have said, it's for the best of your daughter.
You have your faith and ministry to get you through.

[Yambo]

@the_priest It can't be easy for you and your wife and you need to keep an eye on each other. I hope that the treatment your daughter receives is beneficial and she starts on the road to recovery. All the best padre.

My own condition is improving. The pills (sertraline) I got put on last year are having the desired effect and I'm considerably more active when left to my own devices.

The trip to Vietnam and Cambodia was good and all the walking and climbing steps in ruined temples was pretty good for my muscle tone in my upper legs which has again been beneficial. Five days after getting home I had the hip replacement op which has gone well.

However, M got her removals consignment delivered a couple of days ago so we've been busy unpacking and sorting that out. It seems the effect of pretty much two years of inactivity - an arthritic hip, depression following my son's death (and the fallout from that) and the natural loss of muscle mass from getting old has left me in a right state. I'm clearly very unfit and when the new hip allows I'm going to have to put in some serious effort to get back into reasonable condition.

It's all a bit depressing. I don't want to increase the sertraline dose but I'm not sure I can motivate myself on the current dose. I have a fair bit of work to do on my boats and my house has to be turned around from a workshop to a home again. I'm not sure where to start but start I must. I'm well aware that there are many others in a worse state than me so why am I not looking forward to this mountain I need to climb?

[Trogladyte]

I don't think I have ever suffered from depression, although I've been close to people who have. There's a difference between depression and being in a dark place because of the shit that life throws at you. And it has a good go at that sometimes. It's had a good go at me in the last week or so. The sweetest of cats didn't come home from her vet appointment. The boy's biopsy was confirmed as cancer, although it is mercifully treatable, but not without the loss of some important body parts. And my COPD has left me a bit fucked. But hey.

[the_priest]

Visit to Clinic on Saturday was less stressful than anticipated with our little girl dazed by being there. She is beginning to see she needs to be there. Online consult today and then travel in on Saturday for face to face with her after Baptising 5 children for Confirmation service the following week. In constant contact via WhatsApp with my wife, so her load has not really decreased, but I've convinced her to not respond all the time. We need some separation now for this to work.

[Noggin]

It's all a bit depressing. I don't want to increase the sertraline dose but I'm not sure I can motivate myself on the current dose. I have a fair bit of work to do on my boats and my house has to be turned around from a workshop to a home again. I'm not sure where to start but start I must. I'm well aware that there are many others in a worse state than me so why am I not looking forward to this mountain I need to climb?

This is something we all do and should not.

Yes, we can see/perceive that others are worse than us, but there is no hard and fast line.

YOU are not in a place (not a geographical place) that you are happy. YOU can see how you used to be and miss that.

That's a bad place for YOU.

Just because you think another person is having a worse time/situation, doesn't diminish what you are dealing with.


Honestly, the biggest thing I've learnt is DO NOT COMPARE TO OTHERS.


A really small 'issue' to one person is life changing and damaging to another. You really cannot compare how you are feeling, and why, to other people's situations.

How YOU feel is the important thing. Try to concentrate on that. Just because you perceive others as being in a worse state should not be used to compare and make you feel worse. Comparisons don't work - I consider myself reasonably fit (not in a marathon kinda way!!) and a decent skier; but i have quite a few friends that ski 'top to bottom' without stopping, chair lift to chair lift. I can't keep up. Flipside is that none of them could deal with even the little ski tours I do. We are all fit for the things we prefer to do. Mental stuff is similar except sometimes our brains 'have a few moments' even for the things we want to do. But even then comparison to others, even previous you, is not good for you.

(For everyone) - Be kind to you. Learn not to compare situations. Try very hard to concentrate on you for mental health, not how others deal with it. (As we've seen on this thread, sometimes others experiences help for info - but still not for comparison)

[Yorick]

@Noggin I take the opposite view.
I won't go into detail. It's personal.

On a different note, when I'm down, I think "I could be a bit poorly here, or a bit poorly in Bradford "

We all have different coping mechanisms.

[Noggin]

@Noggin I take the opposite view.
I won't go into detail. It's personal.

On a different note, when I'm down, I think "I could be a bit poorly here, or a bit poorly in Bradford "

We all have different coping mechanisms.

I agree, but that's not really what I said - Well I did say don't compare you to previous you.

What you are doing is great, but its not comparison. It's "I could be in a grey, damp, raining place or here" - that's great.

It's when people think "I used to be like this and I'm not now and it's shit", or "he's got worse problems than me, why can't I cope" - those are the sort of comparisons I mean.

Your coping mechanism is great and I've used that too as I firmly believe that, had I not lived up here the last 7+ years, I wouldn't be around to get better! And I've reminded myself of that at points where I needed a reason to stay/continue etc

xx

[Cousin Jack]

It's when people think "I used to be like this and I'm not now and it's shit", or "he's got worse problems than me, why can't I cope" - those are the sort of comparisons I mean.

As we age (and I think I am amongst the oldest on here) we all have the thought "I used to be able to do X, now I can't, and this is shit". I find the secret is to compare with others, "Bill is 5 years younger than me, and he cant even do Y", or even "Tom would be 10 years younger than me but he died a year ago". Old age is shit, but the only realistic alternative is worse

Same idea as Yorick's mechanism, he may be less well than he would like, but the realistic alternative would be to feel the same but cold and wet too. And the beer would be more expensive.

[Docca]

I worked for 5 years on an eating disorders clinic. Nasogastric feeds, counting cornflakes etc. Mostly girls and mostly coming from environments where they felt they had limited control over choices ( in no way at all an accusation, Priest) but ED was a control and in a world where they felt they didn’t have any. That’s massively oversimplified and sounds clumsier than I’d like.

Many ( most) of the people there just kind of grew out of it over the years as other things came in to their life. Not everyone.

As for depression/ suicide links. I’ve cut my fair share of people down ( and many were still alive) but many were not. This over-romanticised notion that people are struggling with demons all the time doesn’t really fly. Of course, again, there will be exceptions. Quite a good film on YouTube I think called ‘the bridge’ that shows Golden Gate Bridge and follows some of those that jump.

Some people are clearly tortured. Sometimes it’s a reaction to something and sometimes it’s the only way they know. I agree we should talk more about life and coping more openly with each other.


A lot of suicide is just a response to life and not illness though. Or not mental illness. Long term chronic physical issues? Painful? Yeah- people check out.

People check out because they either can’t see a future or don’t want to. That latter camp can be relationship ending, retirement or they just can’t be arsed to face another day doing a job they hate. It’s often personal, it’s often impulsive and if you chuck alcohol into the mix…impulsivity just ramps up decision making. One of the best questions the Samaritans ask is ‘how long do you want to be dead for?’

I get depressed. We all do. It’s the human condition and most often a natural response to stuff. When it’s atypical - then it might be time to reach for the prescription pad ( although studies consistently suggest placebo benefits).


Whatever works to get you through to the point where you no longer need to.

[MyLittleStudPony]

One of my g/f's sisters has an eating disorder. As Funky says, I think it's to try and have some control when things are out of control. She used to get sent to The Priory (of which I now realise there are many, not just one) when she was bad.

She's not good at the moment and we're shitting it as she has kids now and we might have to look after them if she goes in again.

I've got too many kids already. I only brae 'em cos I love 'em. I only brae 'am cos I love 'em.