revtothelimit - motorbike forum

fingerpuk wrote: Mon Aug 11, 2025 4:36 pm So, yes. Where to start.

Trigger warning, I am going to talk about suicide. Mods please delete if not appropriate.

I suffer with depression. And suicidal thoughts. As in - I know how I’d do it, where. It’s planned out. I have my affairs in order and every couple of months go through phases of tidying, and getting ready so my family has an easier time of it.

I’ve spoken to people, it’s never helped. I don’t like people, which is part of the problem. I’ve spoken to my other half but she will never understand the noise in my head. I’m autistic, ADHD, and suffering with an excellent albeit damaged brain. I cannot switch off, hear every conversation in the room, every noise. To keep my brain quiet I have to over stimulate - like a hot shower for sunburn. ADHD meds can help but it’s a short relief.

My depression is getting worse as I de mask. I’ve been pretending for so long to fit in, and as I stop and learn about who I actually am I realise I wasted the first 46 years. When I drink to dumb everything down. If I charged my moods they’d be extremes. I feel trapped living in the south, but with my family I can’t leave. So yeah - Ive been very close several times but assumed I don’t want to do it otherwise I would have.

Maybe I need to move to the north and live the quiet life. The south is one big car park. I’m an extremely visual processor and a designer by trade so poorly designed stuff pisses me off and the south is basically a perfect example of that.

Don't know why I've only just seen this, but could almost be me of late... Tried to take my own life back in July, on my 45th Birthday no less. Fortunately I didn't succeed. Obviously I have been seeking help, and for a long time now, sometimes it really helps but the overwhelming feeling of helplessness and impending societal doom keeps coming back... My desire to move more rurally and switch off from society is overwhelming! I've gone from wanting to live somewhere fairly remote and not see people too often, to wanting to move somewhere so remote that I never see anyone else ever again!

Since trying to take my own life, I have been diagnosed with both severe ADHD and autism... Neither shocking for anybody who actually knows me, but its still been a lot to process. Understanding that my brain is wired differently helps, but then I see articles on social media and broadsheet newspapers calling the Health Secretary to tackle the wave of over-diagnosis of ADHD and autism and that they are just labels to apply to lazy people who don't want to fit in... It's triggering to say the least!

Until recently, the absolute best way I have had of dealing with the noise has been to totally immerse myself mentally and physically, in riding a bike... But whether it's a result of SAD or a number of other factors, I've recently really lost the desire with motorbikes, and the UK weather really isn't helpful when it comes to cycling through winter either! So I'm struggling for ways to switch off...

In one sense I'm lucky cos when I'm depressed, my desire to have a drink goes away, so I won't drink any alcohol when I'm down and it's only when I've had a good day or feeling better I will desire a drink. The problem on my Birthday back in July was that I knew I was down, and my GF was trying hard to cheer me up. We went out for a long walk with the dog, stopped at the local pub on the way back and I was feeling a little chirpier momentarily and she bought me a pint... We came home, had a nice dinner, a bottle of wine between us, a couple of G&T's etc. (that she kept flowing without actually asking me if I wanted them), and then she went to bed... And almost as soon as I was left on my own, with 4 or 5 drinks inside me, I went into a doom spiral and moments later tried to take my own life.

I didn't drink for a month after that... Not that I drink much anyway, only ever 1 or 2 drinks (the 4 or 5 on my birthday was extremely rare, and only cos my GF just kept them flowing). But it really does highlight just how powerful a depressant that alcohol actually is!

Yorick wrote: Tue Dec 02, 2025 3:09 pm Seems like another sportsman succumbed

https://www.bbc.com/sport/cricket/articles/c33mzp4mxe8o

This was really sad news... He was one of my cricketing heroes growing up in the late 80's and early 90's... Graham Thorpe too last year (who ironically, was Smith's almost direct replacement in the England team back in about 1995)... Neither of them managed the transition from professional sportsman to former professional sportsman at all well, yet ironically, both were quite shy and retiring even in their heyday, I guess it was more about losing the purpose in life rather than the limelight itself.

And indeed, great news @gremlin that your daughter is on the mend...

@mboy

That was not what I expected to read and am both shocked and deeply saddened by your honesty and ability to even put this in writing.

Easy for me to say, but stay strong. Half the battle is knowing and talking about issues, even to strangers.

Thank you @Buckaroo for your support.

I find it easier to talk about now than I did a few months ago, when for a time I was actively looking for an easy way out every single day. But I think also it's easy to tell you what I've told you, because it literally is the window dressing... There's 80-90% of the story as to why my mental health got that bad in the first place that I can't fully go into now anyway for legal reasons, as I am taking my former employer to a work tribunal for the way in which they marginalised, bullied and then pushed me out of the business firstly after my ongoing Cancer treatments (yes, really) and then when I opened up to them about my my ongoing mental and physical health issues and my ADHD and autism diagnoses...

The good news is that I have a hearing date in May 2026...

Ant wrote: Mon Sep 12, 2022 1:12 pm The best thing to do is this, talking about it. I know someone who goes through this and another is showing signs of depression, the worst thing one could ever do is to not talk about it.

We can help in any way we can, you'll never be a burden.

Sitting here watching the bubblesofpiss race around my cetheter tube

Looks like you can text better than before, and the sense of humour is still bubbling in there, hopefully. Keep feeding it! And keep us informed of progress…

Maybe it's just January, maybe a bit of post holibob blues, maybe it's the insomnia dragging me down, but it feels like the dog is just around the corner.

Keep smiling.

gremlin wrote: Mon Jan 26, 2026 2:01 pm


Maybe it's just January, maybe a bit of post holibob blues, maybe it's the insomnia dragging me down, but it feels like the dog is just around the corner.

Keep smiling.

How's the Gremlinette nowadays?

Yorick wrote: Mon Jan 26, 2026 3:21 pm

How's the Gremlinette nowadays?

Better. Not gone back to Manny yet as still on Christmas break. . Hopefully she'll slip back into uni life which she was really enjoying before they broke up.

She finishes this year. Where did that time go?

How's everyone getting on...?

Just realised it's 6 months now since I last felt like taking my own life, and though not saying things have been easy, things are starting to look up a whole lot better than they were at least... Daylight hours getting longer is of course helping too...

Fingers crossed others are moving in the right direction too...

Things have been tough here since the summer - two house moves (pretty much solo cos I'm not good at asking people I don't know well and the people I do aren't generally available), a relationship put on pause (not by me);
the two main friends I ever chatted with both said some horrible things back in November and I haven't tried to rebuild with the local one and only once with the other and got no response (these are two guy friends, one a biker and like a big brother to me here even tho not local, and the other a fellow petrol head only 4 wheels not any kind of motor; but I listened to him for 6 months about all sorts of stuff - we normally just chatted about general shit and engines until he had some issues - then I ruined his day by turning to the local cafe and wanting to chat because I needed to and it didn't fit his timings);
job issues caused by the handicapped arm, and then various life stresses, finishing with a relationship ending just before my birthday (didn't help that it's probably the first time I've actually realised I was in love with someone, and admitted it!!).


I don't generally get actually suicidal anymore - but fuck I do wonder why I bother with the struggle on sometimes!

But then I go ski touring, or look at what bikes I might manage to get in the spring, have coffee with someone that can make time for that. Or some very kind and awesome random internet weirdo friend sees a comment and sends me something that makes me smile everyday

It really is worth it. But sometimes is fucking hard.

Not gonna say it. No. Be strong young man

I've hit a few humps on the road personally. Anniversary of my mum's death is today, a parishioner is dying in hospital, her birthday today and we share a wedding anniversary as well. I've had a stinker of a day with dropping mugs and breaking glasses. About to head into a PCC meeting that I am not properly prepared for and I've hit the wall on some of the funding grants I've been applying for. All in all, it is very hard to make progress when things are stacked against you. Not for lack of will or hard work, just everyone is applying to the same dwindling pot of money. Still, roof over head, health is okay'ish and I'm fortunate in loving my vocation. But I'm still down and not feeling that "bright".

This morning it occurred to me I've recently been randomly thinking 'thank fuck' every time there's an option for near death.

Not depressed at all, so arguably the wrong place to mention it. Still in no hurry to live forever though.

mboy wrote: Thu Feb 19, 2026 5:39 pm How's everyone getting on...?

Just realised it's 6 months now since I last felt like taking my own life, and though not saying things have been easy, things are starting to look up a whole lot better than they were at least... Daylight hours getting longer is of course helping too...

Fingers crossed others are moving in the right direction too...

I’ve been thinking about this post for a few days. Generally, I rest between good and great but have the odd moments where I feel morose which tends to lend to or is triggered by doom scrolling Social media… I’m still on the antidepressants (atypical tetracyclic) which have common side effects including:

drowsiness - check but this has been beneficial as I was suffering terrible with insomnia
increased appetite, weight gain - check, not so good, combated with Mounjaro but has come back with vengeance following stopping the weight-loss jabs which I was combating with trips to the gym and running, the latter of which has been put on hold due to an IT band issue
dry mouth - not noticed
dizziness - check but only every now and again

Ideally I’d like to knock the antidepressants on the head, mainly due to appetite/ weight issues but also to not be putting drugs into the system. I have decided to start hitting the gym at the beginning of the day and have a class booked for 6.30am on Monday morning which my PT runs to try and energise my days.

I’m starting to take Magnesium (allegedly good for improved sleep quality, reduced muscle cramps, enhanced heart health, and lower anxiety) from today to replace / replicate the antidepressants and I’m open to suggestions for supplements for the over 50’s to improve well being and toying with booking a ‘solo’ guided / organised holiday, again open to suggestions as to whether these are a good idea / who to use / where to go.

I am heartened by the good news stories within this thread and often tearful at the not so good posts but hope everyone has someone they can turn to for help.

That’s a good post fella

Thank you

Wscad wrote: Sat Feb 21, 2026 6:31 pm That’s a good post fella

Thank you

Don’t be being nice or you’ll set me off

Just had a meeting with the Bishop today, the annual check-up on how Church and life is going. He focused on my personal life more than anything else, and then told me to take an extra day off a week where ever possible. At least I am being supported in being able to make healthy decisions on my availability.

the_priest wrote: Thu Mar 12, 2026 4:56 pm Just had a meeting with the Bishop today, the annual check-up on how Church and life is going. He focused on my personal life more than anything else, and then told me to take an extra day off a week where ever possible. At least I am being supported in being able to make healthy decisions on my availability.

Need to care for those who care.

Yorick wrote: Mon Jan 26, 2026 3:21 pm

How's the Gremlinette nowadays?

Working part-time at Halfords in Manny and loving it.

Attending uni classes

Gymming.

Bulk meal prepping and talking nutrition.

Going out and having fun.

Talking about staying up in Manny for a year with her friend once she's finished uni this year.


Weird. Alien abduction and a replicant Gremlinette is the only logical answer...

I'm having a wobble at the moment - not a suicidal one, only because I refuse to do that to my friends and the kids. But I have spent the last 36 hours trying not to cry. Which is annoying! (Stopped trying for a bit yesterday, but couldn't find a way to get curled up on the bed and cry without the risk of hurting my knee, so I gave up!!)

I love living here and I'm ok on my own (moreso since I stopped trying to 'fit in'). I do know lots of people and some of my colleagues are actually friends, but the thing I keep hearing is -you're so strong and resilient, it's awesome how you stay positive in the face of everything. Or, oh you must be used to this now.

FFS people. I have to be strong because I'm on my own (basically since I left home at 18), it isn't a choice or a lucky character trait. My family sucks, I mean, a couple of them do care but contact is shit, especially knowing I'm stuck an hour from home and and hour and a half from resort, so not gonna see anyone.


Just because someone puts on a smile so as not to make people they see as miserable/sad as they are, does not mean they are fine!


I really didn't expect people to visit me because, well, if they couldn't stop by my apartment or organise a coffee in resort when I was on crutches, they aren't going to drive 1.5 hours to see me But it's proper out of sight out of mind - hardly a test/fb message etc.

So, yup - enforced isolation sux and people suck! (I know I should go talk to the other random people here but I'm bloody tired, partly from speaking french 100% of the time and just can't deal with any more than nurses and therapists!!


At least Jody of these parts had reason to be near here one time and made a detour another time to come and say hi - so there are gooduns out there, but in general, humans suck!!!


Roll on mid June when I can (hopefully) go home and enjoy the garden and walk properly !!!