Depression

[Count Steer]

Lavender oil on your pillow and a mug of Valerian tea to

Now I know you're taking the piss

Genuinely not taking the piss, both are known to aide relaxation and sleep.

I needed some dried lavender for a fancy bread recipe so the local health food shop got me some*....a bagful, must have been 0.5kg of the stuff! Used about a teaspoon and gave the rest to a friend who made pretty little bags of it for putting on/under pillows to help with sleep and in clothes drawers - to make clothes smell like yer granny .

+ valerian root is an old, old folk-remedy sleep aid (and for treating the often related anxiety) and it works! Dosage seems to be important and probably best not to take it continuously apparently and it increases the depressant effect of alcohol and other things so valerian cocktails aren't on the menu. Tempted to get some valerian tea

* got flower beds full of the stuff but it was the wrong time of year.

Edit: re disturbed sleep patterns this might be of interest to some.

https://theconversation.com/waking-at-3 ... going%20on

Oh, and another PS - some people swear by valerian for stressed dogs eg on bonfire 'month '. I think you can get plug-in diffuser versions of it too.

[Taipan]

Now I know you're taking the piss

Genuinely not taking the piss, both are known to aide relaxation and sleep.

I needed some dried lavender for a fancy bread recipe so the local health food shop got me some*....a bagful, must have been 0.5kg of the stuff! Used about a teaspoon and gave the rest to a friend who made pretty little bags of it for putting on/under pillows to help with sleep and in clothes drawers - to make clothes smell like yer granny .

+ valerian root is an old, old folk-remedy sleep aid (and for treating the iften related anxiety) and it works! Dosage seems to be important and probably best not to take it continuously apparently and it increases the depressant effect of alcohol and other things so valerian cocktails aren't on the menu. Tempted to get some valerian tea

* got flower beds full of the stuff but it was the wrong time of year.

Now there's a memory! My nan used to make up little lavender bags to put in her clothes drawers! Little squares of some satin material that she'd put the lavender. in and then tie them up with a piece of pink ribbon. She used to wear Yardleys lavender water too.

[Noggin]

Lavender oil on your pillow and a mug of Valerian tea to

Now I know you're taking the piss

Genuinely not taking the piss, both are known to aide relaxation and sleep.

Also - if lavender doesn't help, rosemary is good too (some work better for different people)

I found that camomile 'tea' with a lump of ginger steeped in it (don't put the ginger in when the water is boiling hot as it kills the benefits) seemed to help me - I ended up making up some ginger water to keep in the fridge to add to my glass of water through the evening

In preparation for this, I started taking Magnesium Glycinate 3 in 1 and Ashwagandha Calm +, an hour before I plan to get to sleep, both are reputedly good for relaxing/ calming the mind.

I'm having trouble sleeping and just Googled these

Do chemists sell them or is it online only?

When you do buy, check the ingredients as many have a "buffer" or "filler" that can be bad.

Also, check the elemental magnesium value as the more filler the less actual mag - pretty sure it's never particularly high, but I can't remember the values, but worth looking it up

[.....]

Anxiety levelsyhroughthe roof yestersaywrntanduseda friends wetroomforadshowernot enough wall bars for my liking thought I might get stuck in there an requiresomee extraasistanceto escape

[gremlin]

How's the Gremlinette nowadays?

Better. Not gone back to Manny yet as still on Christmas break. . Hopefully she'll slip back into uni life which she was really enjoying before they broke up.

She finishes this year. Where did that time go?

Or so we thought...

She's been making noises about staying up in Manny to re-do part of her course as she feels she's missed too much and is struggling. I get that, but feel that this is yet another example of her deploying her usual tactic of avoidance. Avoid the dissertation, kick the can down the road. Do nothing until next year. Fingers in the ears, la-la-la.

Now I think we've been quite generous, in that we have paid for her tuition fees, accommodation and an allowance for the past three years, but we've been quite clear that anything after that is going to be self-funded, which she's fine with.

I had a conversation with her yesterday to make sure she has all the details, in terms of what she can apply for, such as student finance, how much her rent would be if she can stay on in the flat for another year, how she would finance it along with all of life's costs, such as bills, food, car, etc., how she would manage the catch up whilst working more than the current 20 hours a week she does now. She got a bit arsey with me and said I didn't understand, how shit it was being like she is, how she wants to do better, etc. I had to tell her to take some breaths and calm down. I feel this was more that maybe she hadn't considered all the points I was trying to make and vented this frustration on me.

Anyhow, she's gone away to consider all those points. Listening to the call, Mrs. Gremlin got very stressed, but I told her that I am of the opinion that she's now an adult, 22 next birthday, and she needs to stand or fall on her own decisions, notwithstanding that we may them wise or foolish.

Telling that Gremlinette said she'd call me back, but hasn't. Again, this is another avoidance tactic: end the difficult call with a promise to call back, then don't.


And to think I'd discussed my mental health at the BUPA check up earlier yesterday and told them I was in fine fettle.

[Mr Moofo]

How's the Gremlinette nowadays?

Better. Not gone back to Manny yet as still on Christmas break. . Hopefully she'll slip back into uni life which she was really enjoying before they broke up.

She finishes this year. Where did that time go?

Or so we thought...

She's been making noises about staying up in Manny to re-do part of her course as she feels she's missed too much and is struggling. I get that, but feel that this is yet another example of her deploying her usual tactic of avoidance. Avoid the dissertation, kick the can down the road. Do nothing until next year. Fingers in the ears, la-la-la.

Now I think we've been quite generous, in that we have paid for her tuition fees, accommodation and an allowance for the past three years, but we've been quite clear that anything after that is going to be self-funded, which she's fine with.

I had a conversation with her yesterday to make sure she has all the details, in terms of what she can apply for, such as student finance, how much her rent would be if she can stay on in the flat for another year, how she would finance it along with all of life's costs, such as bills, food, car, etc., how she would manage the catch up whilst working more than the current 20 hours a week she does now. She got a bit arsey with me and said I didn't understand, how shit it was being like she is, how she wants to do better, etc. I had to tell her to take some breaths and calm down. I feel this was more that maybe she hadn't considered all the points I was trying to make and vented this frustration on me.

Anyhow, she's gone away to consider all those points. Listening to the call, Mrs. Gremlin got very stressed, but I told her that I am of the opinion that she's now an adult, 22 next birthday, and she needs to stand or fall on her own decisions, notwithstanding that we may them wise or foolish.

Telling that Gremlinette said she'd call me back, but hasn't. Again, this is another avoidance tactic: end the difficult call with a promise to call back, then don't.


And to think I'd discussed my mental health at the BUPA check up earlier yesterday and told them I was in fine fettle.

Doesn’t sound so different to all the conversations we had with my step daughter. Not to do with depression - but about the expectation to be supported. We paid a living allowance when she was a Central St Martins, I wangled my company (who had sent us to CH) to pay for the course fees for a Masters. After that she expected us to continue to support her “ Like all her fellow creatives were”.
She ended up with a job in Amsterdam for two years - which she narrates as the equivalent as being sent to a labour camp (she love it when she was there ).


It may come as no surprise she no longer talks to her mother - because we were the root of everything evil in her life.

So good luck, I hope it works out , but there is an odd expectation from young adults that their parents are responsible for them for life

[fingerpuk]

Hi all.

Long time since I was here. I’m starting to feel better, controlling the lows and the “dark thoughts” are almost entirely gone. Confidence is returning slowly. The medication seems to be working, as does taking each day one by one.

I also started playing airsoft with my son and that’s helping. It gives me a day a week to lie in a bush and chill, which I appreciate sounds odd to many but for me it’s really relaxing to be still and hidden and focused on taking out the opposition unseen.

And yesterday I put a deposit down on the Hypermotard 698 RVE.

Long road ahead, but the sun is coming out.

[ZRX61]

[Soupdragon]

Just remember Leonard Cohen's great words, "Everything has cracks in it, that's how the light gets in"

[IccyV2]

And yesterday I put a deposit down on the Hypermotard 698 RVE.

Bravo, that's not the actions of a broken man, good for you

[.....]

Swmbo told me to go to the doctors becsuseiwa like a meerkat on guard wheneverwewentboutgot prescribed a ssriwjich causesedasasideeffectwhich is depressing me even more

[Noggin]

Swmbo told me to go to the doctors becsuseiwa like a meerkat on guard wheneverwewentboutgot prescribed a ssriwjich causesedasasideeffectwhich is depressing me even more

It sux lovely. Some guys in the rehab place are there after a stroke and one has been there for months. He's equally not a happy bunny because he's "almost" ok, but not quite.

Check out diet stuff that can help in general and things like vitamin D (plus it's cofactors) - recent research into gut health says it is massively connected to our brains, so whilst I know your issue was severe and not a quick fix in any way, maybe it would help ongoing and/or side-by-side??

This guy https://www.facebook.com/ian.callaghan.official has lots about healthy food (luckily for me it's the sort of things I love!) and writes about what the food does to help brain function, gut health etc.
He does write as a recovered alcoholic so a lot of his posts are aimed at people still struggling, but the posts about food and what/why/how are bloody interesting (and as a wavering sugar addict, the addiction stuff is interesting to me too!!)

Tis a long road lovely - it's reasonable to be sad, even depressed whilst recovering; give yourself a bit of a break sometimes. Is a therapist an option? If you can find one you can get on with, they can really help on the depression of recovery. It is not the same as other types of depression and may not need to be medicated, if you can find a way to deal with it

Huge hugs to you

[Silly Car]

The black dog has returned…

After a month or so off the anti-depressants and some work related stress (nothing unsurmountable), my sleeping pattern has gone from soundly getting 7-8 hours quality sleep to struggling to get to sleep and waking up in the middle of the night. I’ve been taking the nutritional supplements (magnesium etc) but they’ve not had a big enough effect recently.

My head has been battered, I’ve become overwhelmed and cried at the simplest thing several times and my Brian feels like a browser with 100s of tabs open, finding it hard to concentrate on a single task as ‘pop ups’ keep appearing from all of the other open tabs…

This week has been particularly shit, but thankfully I saw what was happening and took action:

• Spoke to Doctors surgery and have an appointment tomorrow morning to discuss renewing my repeat prescription for the antidepressants

• GP surgery confirmed my unfulfilled previous prescription was still valid which was a huge relief as I knew I could restart taking the antidepressants immediately

• Cried a lot after speaking to the GP receptionist as she was just so lovely to me on the phone

• I’ve had a chat with my manager, he’s being incredibly supportive and has suggested reaching out to our medical insurer about the counselling options open to us

• He’s also suggested some practical steps to deal with some work issues to soften the impact on me whilst getting the job done and making progress towards my business plan objectives

• I managed to get 9.5 hours sleep with a 90% score (Fitbit/ google health) from my smart watch last night against 4.5 hours / 60% for previous nights

From a positive point of view, I realised what was happening quite quickly, taken decisive action promptly and I have spoken with people rather than bottle shit up.

I may be down, at the moment, but I’m not out. I’m still actively going to the gym, running at least 3 times a week, maintaining my weight (although nutrition could be better…) and very much looking forward to the various events I’ve got booked:

Newcastle Races (June)
Great North 10K (July)
Kayak building holiday (July)
Fake George Michael, Bootleg Beatles, Country Music Festival (August)
Paul Heaton (October)
Snooker Championship (November)

I do need to get my mind back on the home decorating / renovations, tackling the quick / cheap / easy tasks first before attacking some of the bigger projects (new bathroom, balcony rebuild, landscaping, etc) but at least I managed to cut the back lawn yesterday evening

Back to eating the elephant, one small piece at a time, rather than eating the whole frog in one go!

[v8-powered]

How's the Gremlinette nowadays?

Better. Not gone back to Manny yet as still on Christmas break. . Hopefully she'll slip back into uni life which she was really enjoying before they broke up.

She finishes this year. Where did that time go?

Or so we thought...

She's been making noises about staying up in Manny to re-do part of her course as she feels she's missed too much and is struggling. I get that, but feel that this is yet another example of her deploying her usual tactic of avoidance. Avoid the dissertation, kick the can down the road. Do nothing until next year. Fingers in the ears, la-la-la.

Now I think we've been quite generous, in that we have paid for her tuition fees, accommodation and an allowance for the past three years, but we've been quite clear that anything after that is going to be self-funded, which she's fine with.

I had a conversation with her yesterday to make sure she has all the details, in terms of what she can apply for, such as student finance, how much her rent would be if she can stay on in the flat for another year, how she would finance it along with all of life's costs, such as bills, food, car, etc., how she would manage the catch up whilst working more than the current 20 hours a week she does now. She got a bit arsey with me and said I didn't understand, how shit it was being like she is, how she wants to do better, etc. I had to tell her to take some breaths and calm down. I feel this was more that maybe she hadn't considered all the points I was trying to make and vented this frustration on me.

Anyhow, she's gone away to consider all those points. Listening to the call, Mrs. Gremlin got very stressed, but I told her that I am of the opinion that she's now an adult, 22 next birthday, and she needs to stand or fall on her own decisions, notwithstanding that we may them wise or foolish.

Telling that Gremlinette said she'd call me back, but hasn't. Again, this is another avoidance tactic: end the difficult call with a promise to call back, then don't.


And to think I'd discussed my mental health at the BUPA check up earlier yesterday and told them I was in fine fettle.

Had exactly that with my lad 2 years ago - did a 4th year blah blah. Now, just heard, that step-son has done exactly the same thing - didn't submit his diss, wants to resit the year - more fees etc etc....

[Soupdragon]

@Silly Car it sounds as if you're doing all the right things buddy. When the black dog is in residence it can be a struggle just getting-up and making the bed, so you're ahead of the curve on that one. Perhaps discuss with your GP about different SSRI meds. There are so many out there and we can all react differently to them - my GP admitted that prescribing anti-depressants is still a bit hit-or-miss. The brain is so complex and we're all different, so getting the correct dosage and type of pill is really suck-it-and-see. When you find the one that suits you, stick with it.

By the sounds of it too, I'd suggest you also talk to your doc about anti-anxiety meds. I reckon you're in a state of over-thinking stuff which can be absolutely horrible. I know because I do it most of the time! I'd also recommend leaving your Fitbit in the drawer. It's just more info that you don't really need, and perhaps even adds to your anxiety. Just choose a bedtime, dark room, play some ocean sounds and drift off. If you wake in the night, no worries. Get up, have a cuppa, piss about for a while and then do the whole going to bed routine again.

As I said, we're all different, but it might work for you too. All best.

[the_priest]

My daughter is still struggling, changes to medication have helped a touch, but keeping the prescriptions in order is a difficulty. We have a good pharmacist, so that helps a great deal.

She has re-engaged with her art and recently started putting together a portfolio for a showing at the Northfleet Day held in my church. She has some truly brilliant stuff lined up and it is encouraging to see her able to do this creative work again. However her battle with food and eating continues to be a huge issue and is part of her struggle with life.

[Wscad]

It’s good to talk. This is the most thoughtful and the best thread on this forum. From our house to yours vicar ....best wishes...live long and prosper.

[Cousin Jack]

How's the Gremlinette nowadays?

Better. Not gone back to Manny yet as still on Christmas break. . Hopefully she'll slip back into uni life which she was really enjoying before they broke up.

She finishes this year. Where did that time go?

Or so we thought...

She's been making noises about staying up in Manny to re-do part of her course as she feels she's missed too much and is struggling. I get that, but feel that this is yet another example of her deploying her usual tactic of avoidance. Avoid the dissertation, kick the can down the road. Do nothing until next year. Fingers in the ears, la-la-la.

Now I think we've been quite generous, in that we have paid for her tuition fees, accommodation and an allowance for the past three years, but we've been quite clear that anything after that is going to be self-funded, which she's fine with.

I had a conversation with her yesterday to make sure she has all the details, in terms of what she can apply for, such as student finance, how much her rent would be if she can stay on in the flat for another year, how she would finance it along with all of life's costs, such as bills, food, car, etc., how she would manage the catch up whilst working more than the current 20 hours a week she does now. She got a bit arsey with me and said I didn't understand, how shit it was being like she is, how she wants to do better, etc. I had to tell her to take some breaths and calm down. I feel this was more that maybe she hadn't considered all the points I was trying to make and vented this frustration on me.

Anyhow, she's gone away to consider all those points. Listening to the call, Mrs. Gremlin got very stressed, but I told her that I am of the opinion that she's now an adult, 22 next birthday, and she needs to stand or fall on her own decisions, notwithstanding that we may them wise or foolish.

Telling that Gremlinette said she'd call me back, but hasn't. Again, this is another avoidance tactic: end the difficult call with a promise to call back, then don't.


And to think I'd discussed my mental health at the BUPA check up earlier yesterday and told them I was in fine fettle.

Reminds me of conversations with my daughter many years ago. Aged 14 she knew everything, was convinced money grew on trees, and just wanted to jack in school which was useless and unecessary.

Fortunately she grew up and whilst we paid for University she has not asked for nor needed any significant help beyond that. I sincerely hope the Gremlinette turns her life around too, it is stressful watching them make mistakes.

[gremlin]

Better. Not gone back to Manny yet as still on Christmas break. . Hopefully she'll slip back into uni life which she was really enjoying before they broke up.

She finishes this year. Where did that time go?

Or so we thought...

She's been making noises about staying up in Manny to re-do part of her course as she feels she's missed too much and is struggling. I get that, but feel that this is yet another example of her deploying her usual tactic of avoidance. Avoid the dissertation, kick the can down the road. Do nothing until next year. Fingers in the ears, la-la-la.

Now I think we've been quite generous, in that we have paid for her tuition fees, accommodation and an allowance for the past three years, but we've been quite clear that anything after that is going to be self-funded, which she's fine with.

I had a conversation with her yesterday to make sure she has all the details, in terms of what she can apply for, such as student finance, how much her rent would be if she can stay on in the flat for another year, how she would finance it along with all of life's costs, such as bills, food, car, etc., how she would manage the catch up whilst working more than the current 20 hours a week she does now. She got a bit arsey with me and said I didn't understand, how shit it was being like she is, how she wants to do better, etc. I had to tell her to take some breaths and calm down. I feel this was more that maybe she hadn't considered all the points I was trying to make and vented this frustration on me.

Anyhow, she's gone away to consider all those points. Listening to the call, Mrs. Gremlin got very stressed, but I told her that I am of the opinion that she's now an adult, 22 next birthday, and she needs to stand or fall on her own decisions, notwithstanding that we may them wise or foolish.

Telling that Gremlinette said she'd call me back, but hasn't. Again, this is another avoidance tactic: end the difficult call with a promise to call back, then don't.


And to think I'd discussed my mental health at the BUPA check up earlier yesterday and told them I was in fine fettle.

Reminds me of conversations with my daughter many years ago. Aged 14 she knew everything, was convinced money grew on trees, and just wanted to jack in school which was useless and unecessary.

Fortunately she grew up and whilst we paid for University she has not asked for nor needed any significant help beyond that. I sincerely hope the Gremlinette turns her life around too, it is stressful watching them make mistakes.

Yesterday Mrs. G took a call from Gremlinette at midday, just when she's due to start an eight-hour shift at Halfords (now that study has finished, she's squirrelling money away, so fair play). Only she's been overthinking, and thus catastrophising, how an eight-hour shift may pan out: what if she needs go outside for air? What about if she feels sick?, etc. Net result is she has a panic attack outside the shop, runs back to her car and calls us. I talk to her to calm her down: 'I can't breathe!' - Yes you can, you're talking to me.
After 5 mins she calms down and I start distracting her with questions about her make up, does she have tissues?, etc.

About a week ago we convinced her to talk to the store manager about her anxiety which she was reluctant to do as it was embarrassing, etc. Eventually she did and said he was very supportive (which we kind of knew he would be). Frustrating that there is still this reluctance to just come out with it and explain that she might need to take 5 mins to reset - other people take vape breaks, I explained, so you can take a 5 to step outside and calm down. Caught up with her later in the day and she was full of beans, enjoying her day at work.

I wish she'd actually do what various professionals (and her mum and dad) recommends: get out, do exercise, leave your phone behind, eat well, sleep well. All the common sense things. Instead the phone for that generation is such a life distraction. Sad.


Edit: She's clearly in a better frame of mind today as I have just had this witty exchange on WhatsApp re Father's Day:

Her: What will you get me for Father's Day to celebrate me making you a father with my glorious and swift birth?

Me: A huge bag in which you can carry your huge ego?

Her: I will take a Balenciaga City Bag with gold hardware. Thank you!

In fairness, a quick come back but there's feck all chance of that happening.

[Cousin Jack]

I am constantly amazed at how many teenagers and younger kids suffer from anxiety. In my yoof it was not unknown but pretty rare. Today it is endemic.

I am from the 'FFS Man up!' generation but even I can see that something is going very wrong.

Social media, parenting, pollution? I don't know the answer but some serious is needed PDQ.