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The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Fri May 15, 2026 10:51 am
by gremlin
Auditions have begun and I'm thinking of throwing my hat in the ring. I like to think I'd bring a certain south London
cachet to the affair, a bit more realism.
Martinis are out the window. Pint of Peroni and a bag of cheese 'n' onion Walkers.
Instead of Craig's chiselled abs emerging from the surf you get a beer gut (see above) and a bollock hanging from the left leg of the shorts.
Astons - a bit vulgar. Mid-range Hyundai is good enough.
Dinner suits and black tie will be replaced by a nice Fila Sessanta trackie top. Stylish, retro and handy zip front. Pair it with some M&S Autograph strides.
Wather PPK - sawn-off for full effect or a Millwall brick for undercover jobs.
As for the script, we'll have no more cliched quips like Roger Moore made famous. If my Bond is surrounded by baddies he shouts out 'Let's fuckin' 'ave it then!' and steams in with full windmills.
I reckon I'm a shoe-in for the role.
How would you play it?
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Fri May 15, 2026 11:01 am
by KungFooBob
Gotta be Iccy!
They could put him in platform shoes and hire short co-stars.
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Fri May 15, 2026 12:22 pm
by The Martian
KungFooBob wrote: Fri May 15, 2026 11:01 am
Gotta be Iccy!
They could put him in platform shoes and hire short co-stars.
Temu Tom Cruise
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Fri May 15, 2026 2:43 pm
by Cousin Jack
James Bond is a product of the 50s and 60s, and anyone who plays him needs experience of those decades to be authentic. I am a shoe in for the role.
I can offer charisma, distinguished good looks, and a west country charm, all at a reasonable rate. My only real requirement is that shooting commence soon since I may not have much time left.
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Fri May 15, 2026 10:38 pm
by Buckaroo
gremlin wrote: Fri May 15, 2026 10:51 am
Auditions have begun and I'm thinking of throwing my hat in the ring. I like to think I'd bring a certain south London
cachet to the affair, a bit more realism.
Martinis are out the window. Pint of Peroni and a bag of cheese 'n' onion Walkers.
Instead of Craig's chiselled abs emerging from the surf you get a beer gut (see above) and a bollock hanging from the left leg of the shorts.
Astons - a bit vulgar. Mid-range Hyundai is good enough.
Dinner suits and black tie will be replaced by a nice Fila Sessanta trackie top. Stylish, retro and handy zip front. Pair it with some M&S Autograph strides.
Wather PPK - sawn-off for full effect or a Millwall brick for undercover jobs.
As for the script, we'll have no more cliched quips like Roger Moore made famous. If my Bond is surrounded by baddies he shouts out 'Let's fuckin' 'ave it then!' and steams in with full windmills.
I reckon I'm a shoe-in for the role.
How would you play it?
Based on this, you're definitely a major contender, alongside Del Boy
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sat May 16, 2026 12:48 am
by MyLittleStudPony
I would emulate the camp energy and physical comedy of Roger Moore.
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sat May 16, 2026 7:03 am
by Trinity765
I would demand a Panigale and black leathers, jolly around Europe until I accidentally bumped into a minor incident, turn it into a big drama and then carry on for as long a possible before being sent home.
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sat May 16, 2026 7:39 am
by Mr Nozzle
I'm too busy this year, and probably next year as well. I'd vote for pint sized comedian Tom Allen. He'd bring a sense of style, wit, charm and a level of campness that would bring the role nicely into today's diverse community.
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sat May 16, 2026 8:05 am
by Count Steer
I think Taron Egerton should get the part. He's got some training and experience in the spy game.
However, with the way Hollywood is they'll probably have a checklist with:
Female
American
Gay or trans
Non-white
Vegan
Rather than a 37 year old, Scottish orphan, ex Navy, cigarette smoking, martini drinking, womaniser that got thrown out of Eton at the age of 12ish for hanky-panky with a maid. Y'know, just the normal bloke type.
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sat May 16, 2026 4:57 pm
by McSatan
I'd play it naturally. With my wife taking a picture of me in Mr Bond's DB5. That really is Mr Bond's DB5, His surname is Bond and he was given that DB5 brand new for his 18th birthday, my ex brother in law used to be his butler. I've shot squirrels and rabbits on the lawn from his drawing room with fifty grand apiece Purdey shotguns.I'm not kidding
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Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sat May 16, 2026 6:47 pm
by Le_Fromage_Grande
I'd play it how Ian Fleming wrote it, I think acting a racist, sexist, violent middle aged man should be pretty easy
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sat May 16, 2026 7:26 pm
by Yorick
Shaken, not stirred Miss Moneypenny
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Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sat May 16, 2026 10:48 pm
by Mr Moofo
Am I the only person who doesn’t give a fuck ?
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sat May 16, 2026 10:59 pm
by MyLittleStudPony
KungFooBob wrote: Fri May 15, 2026 11:01 am
Gotta be Iccy!
They could put him in platform shoes and hire short co-stars.
Iccy would be good!
He could use his competence with hand tools to give it a MacGyver feel.
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sat May 16, 2026 11:28 pm
by Felix
Mr Moofo wrote: Sat May 16, 2026 10:48 pm
Am I the only person who doesn’t give a fuck ?
Yesh apparently sho.
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sun May 17, 2026 8:57 am
by Horse
Cousin Jack wrote: Fri May 15, 2026 2:43 pm
... and a west country charm
Bond, You alright moi lover, Bond"
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sun May 17, 2026 9:42 am
by cheb
I read that his west country accent was the reason David Prowse didn't do the speaking when he played Darth Vader
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Sun May 17, 2026 10:30 am
by Taipan
Mr Moofo wrote: Sat May 16, 2026 10:48 pm
Am I the only person who doesn’t give a fuck ?
Nope. I don't either. Don't think i've ever seen a Bond film with Craig in it? It all got a bit serious for my liking. I liked the cheesy Bond played by Moore.
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Mon May 18, 2026 5:32 am
by IccyV2
MyLittleStudPony wrote: Sat May 16, 2026 10:59 pm
KungFooBob wrote: Fri May 15, 2026 11:01 am
Gotta be Iccy!
They could put him in platform shoes and hire short co-stars.
Iccy would be good!
He could use his competence with hand tools to give it a MacGyver feel.
I'd have had a punt 20yrs ago, but now sadly it would mostly just be Bond moaning about always feeling tired and not wanting to go out.
I went down a rabbit hole for half an hour looking for a picture of me back in the day wearing "The Hat" but I can't find it amongst the thousands of unlabelled photos on various HDs.
If I played Bond I'd put a camp twist on him, I've still got that hat somewhere, for those that don't remember the story, I was on a job in Central America and somehow ended up in the gayest hat shop in the world in a little town called Changuinola, buying a cowboy hat and being thoroughly chatted up by a gay hatter, who then pursued me for my remaining tour and I barely escaped intact, I don't think they have sexual harassment laws there
A bent Bond in a cowboy hat would bring a whole new audience and satisfy diversity quotas but it would need a heavy dose of AI if they want abs and a chiseled jawline.
Re: The search the new Bond is underway. Who's up for it?
Posted: Mon May 18, 2026 9:17 am
by Yorick
So that's how the Bumming hat started