Long version:
Pull into Tesco's car park, collect phone from holder, look at text that has come through while driving. I notice a figure by my door, and clock it's the filth... I wind down the window
PC :"Hello, do you know why I stopped you"
Me: *quizzical look* "Ummm, I was just parking to go into the shop"
PC: "well I pulled you over because you failed to stop at the stop sign in church street"
Me: "church street?"
PC: "Yes, the stop sign, your wheels have to come to a stop, you didn't stop"
Me: "There isn't a stop sign in Church street"
PC: "yes there is"
me: "well I have to admit, I have no idea where you mean then"
PC: "Next to Greggs, opposite the mere, you come out of it facing the mere"
(me thinks - well that's chapel street, the road off church street)*
Me: "Isn't that.... (thinks better of it) Oh...I'm pretty sure I stopped, I always do owing to not being able to see pedestrians"
PC Liar: "you didn't even slow down" (this utter bollocks - its a proper T junction from a minor back street, if you didn't slow down you mow down the pedestrians and end up in the mere)
Me: "I'm pretty sure I did, I'm pretty anal about stopping there as it goes but ok.. "
PC Liar: "Do you have your licence on you"
Me: "Yes I do as it goes, hold on" *passes licence
PC Liar "Ill be back"
Me: *sniggers and thinks to myself, you're all of 5'0" hardly Arnie*
PC Liar: "have you been drinking"
Me: "looks at watch... it's 12 o'clock fella, no of course not"
PC Liar then proceeds to breathalyse me..and I of course blow a zero.
PC Liar: "take this as a warning, I only warn once"
Me thinks oooOOOOOooo scary man...
Now... I'm not overly bothered about being "stopped" (he didn't - he followed me into a car park) and not over bothered with his lies, I guess there's not much to do in a dead rural town at lunchtime...
However, I didn't think of this at the time, I was too busy being slightly miffed at his lies and not even knowing what road he was on. But, the tube he made me blow into, he had clearly undone and fitted to the machine. In the light of CV19.. I should have told him to go and get a freshly sealed one and let ME open it, after all, I have no idea if he was carrying the plague or not, nor whether the tube was sealed, where he touched it, etc etc etc..
I could now be "the infected"
She painted the wood panelling charcoal grey. I said it looks like a fecking coal hole. That went down well! 
