Depression

[Yambo]

Grief is a funny thing and I think you are grieving, not depressed Trinity.

It's different for everybody and the process can be different for the person grieving following another death. It's a lonely journey too - nobody, even those grieving the same person will be affected the same way.

My wife died 14 months after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She did well but we all knew her death was imminent. I thought I'd done my grieving before her death but of course, I hadn't. I coped by being busy and keeping fit but the grief was still there and it eased in its own time.

My son's death last December was a shock and the grief this time around is different - I have little or no motivation to do anything. I've been apathetic and on occassion have wondered why I'm still here but in all honesty I don't even have the motivation to go down that route. It's getting better, I'm getting better and I've thankfully had good support. Grief is a process though, a lonely journey with no end. It'll get better with time (the great healer) but it will never go completely. It's the curse of getting older and outliving loved ones, it'll be with us to the end, then it'll be someone else's turn to start their journey.

Grief can of course be accompanied by depression but it's not compulsory.

Time will improve your moods and the grief will ease but it might take longer than you think it should.

[Trinity765]

Thank you for your comments Yambo and Potter.

For what it's worth I have always enjoyed solo bike tours and despite dropping my bike and breaking it on the last one, I still had a great time. A dose of complete silence does me good and I had an early morning moment when I really couldn't hear anything, not even an insect buzzing. That or I am going deaf.

[Noggin]

The realisation that you've lost 'that' person that you could always talk to is huge. 12 years on I still get a smack in the guts when I know that the one person I could always turn to isn't there.

As others have said, grief is so very personal. It doesn't conform. It takes no notice of your expectations or those of others. I do think that you have to embrace it a bit. You have roll with how it feels, not try to force yourself to conform with what you think you should feel or what others think you should feel. But that's how I view it.

Support from others is a huge thing, and lacking that makes every thing a bit more difficult.


I've always been pretty solitary. Combined with shyness and lack of confidence, people either think I'm stuck up or anti social! But I've always been just fine in my own company. If I do go out, I am sociable cos I do enjoy that too, a lot.

Right now, my being extra solitary is based on stress. A bit of grief (somewhat delayed, but not just losing people, accepting changes for myself as well) but a LOT of stress and worry.

I know I'm verging on proper depression, but until I can sort the reason for the stress, I just have to soldier on and try and keep pulling myself up far enough not to fall completely



Hugest hugs to you @Trinity765, hope you can find a way to feel better soon xxx

[slowhare]

This should give you a lift, if you’re down. It’s a gem of an interview between John Cleese and the ex Australian Deputy PM, John Anderson. Between them they nail it imho. I’d rate it 5 stars.

[Greenman]

On top of that perhaps you're just a bit lonely, which is a perfectly normal human feeling, I think we're supposed to be pack animals and we need company.

I have somewhat isolated myself. I've turn down all social invites and left the leadership team of a riding club that I was so passionate about a couple of years ago because I really CBA. And, while I agree that we are pack animals, that doesn't inspire me to be social. I am not totally antisocial as I go into the office a few times a week just to get myself out.

I'm the same, I'm not very social, I prefer to do my own thing most of the time and I turn down any social evening events.

But I think there is a danger that you can go too far with it, I know someone that has done this, he can go months without even a conversation with another human being and it's like he's switched off, I think he's gone too far and I'm sure he's not happy, but he steadfastly refuses any opportunity to interact with just about everyone. It's like he's gone past the point where he knows how to now and he exists in his own twilight world.

Personally i think this is the worst thing you can do if you have mental health issues.

When you are alone and not talking to anyone your mind can become your own worst enemy, you can become negative about everything without knowing, you can conclude to a negative outcome from something that could be positive without even letting yourself play out the possible positive outcome. I have a friend who does this, he will convince himself that all the neggative things that could happen in a situation will happen thus not letting himself do anything and just sits at home (he lives alone in quite a rural part of somerset) on his own thinking how shit he is at everything, but, once you get him out he is happy as larry and always says "thanks for getting me out Greenman, i need to do this more".

If you are alone and over think situations you will only see the neggative outcomes of up coming events and will be in a constant battle with yourself to get motivated.

I always seek human interactions when i feel a bit down, it's why i socialise so much. I also get a lot of social interaction at work even if i don't get to talk to any of my personal friends which can make a massive difference to my day if my head is not in the right place. You can get talking about situations and find out that others are in the same place as you and that it's not just you that feels how you do about certain issues in your life.

Home working would be my idea of hell, i don't think home working is healthy for anyone if you live alone, as your interaction with the real world is so sparce you can start thinking and coming to conclusions that simply are not reality!

[Trinity765]

I agree with all of that @Greenman .

Over the past year I have found myself drastically simplifying my life and that includes people and responsibilities. For instance, why have two of something when one will do? It's cathartic.

I spent last week on my own in a converted chapel with nothing in walking distance apart from fields and sheep and bloody loved it. I did wonder if I wanted to spend retirement like that.

[Greenman]

I agree with all of that @Greenman .

Over the past year I have found myself drastically simplifying my life and that includes people and responsibilities. For instance, why have two of something when one will do? It's cathartic.

I spent last week on my own in a converted chapel with nothing in walking distance apart from fields and sheep and bloody loved it. I did wonder if I wanted to spend retirement like that.

Simplifying is the way forward.

It's about time - time is everything and it's all about what we do with the time we have.

If you try and have your hands in too many pies it will take over from who you want to be/are and make you into something you don't want to be just to suit everyone else - it's a mad world and we've all just got to make the most of the time that's given to us, in the only way you know how!

If your sad you will be down about others being happy, it's better the other way around most of the time. Its all about how you are projecting yourself to society, what you project and how you act will be how others treat you as well, eventually!

[Buckaroo]

Greenman's post reminded me of something that I found quite profound regarding time.

There's two types of time: chronos and kairos.

It was explained by way of a story.

I met a friend who I had not seen for a year. I asked him where he had been. Prison for a large, unpaid, debt. This past year has felt like a lifetime.
I then met another friend who was a picture of health. You look great said I. Yes, just back from two months touring the middle East. The time just flew by in a blink of the eye.

When you feel like you're spending your time with chronos, find some kairos. Life's about the quality of time and how you use it.

[gremlin]

I have periods of...I dunno...would I call it depression? Been going through a spell now, for maybe the last couple of months. It's like all my joy receptors have been anesthetised. I'm struggling to find any pleasure in the things that usually do bring me happiness. Going out with friends recently I felt like I was an observer, watching everyone else but unable to engage with any sense of sincerity. Riding the bike is boring me. Music is irritating me.
I wouldn't say I'm depressed, more numb. And tired. Constantly tired and with a sense of oppression, like the world is pressing down on me.

Not sure what triggers it. Might be the surrogate stress I was having with the Gremlinette moving out, or maybe it's empty nest syndrome. Maybe I'm anxious about my up-coming medical procedure and the possible negative outcomes.

Even Taipan's awful Dad jokes in Jokes thread are failing to raise a smile.

[Yorick]

I have periods of...I dunno...would I call it depression? Been going through a spell now, for maybe the last couple of months. It's like all my joy receptors have been anesthetised. I'm struggling to find any pleasure in the things that usually do bring me happiness. Going out with friends recently I felt like I was an observer, watching everyone else but unable to engage with any sense of sincerity. Riding the bike is boring me. Music is irritating me.
I wouldn't say I'm depressed, more numb. And tired. Constantly tired and with a sense of oppression, like the world is pressing down on me.

Not sure what triggers it. Might be the surrogate stress I was having with the Gremlinette moving out, or maybe it's empty nest syndrome. Maybe I'm anxious about my up-coming medical procedure and the possible negative outcomes.

Even Taipan's awful Dad jokes in Jokes thread are failing to raise a smile.

I've researched the way I feel, and it's not depression. It's just being bloody unhappy for no reason. And no get-up-and-go.
My heart specialist recommended Maca tablets. Peruvian Ginseng.
They seem to have perked me up a bit.
More energy and less unhappy.

[MyLittleStudPony]

I watched this series and was convinced. Single dose treatments do appear to be effective. And this was being researched (mainly by the Swiss) when the Nixon administration declared a global war on drugs and the work largely ceased.

Sadly it would be difficult to access these treatment routes.

[Taipan]

I have periods of...I dunno...would I call it depression? Been going through a spell now, for maybe the last couple of months. It's like all my joy receptors have been anesthetised. I'm struggling to find any pleasure in the things that usually do bring me happiness. Going out with friends recently I felt like I was an observer, watching everyone else but unable to engage with any sense of sincerity. Riding the bike is boring me. Music is irritating me.
I wouldn't say I'm depressed, more numb. And tired. Constantly tired and with a sense of oppression, like the world is pressing down on me.

Not sure what triggers it. Might be the surrogate stress I was having with the Gremlinette moving out, or maybe it's empty nest syndrome. Maybe I'm anxious about my up-coming medical procedure and the possible negative outcomes.

Even Taipan's awful Dad jokes in Jokes thread are failing to raise a smile.

Say what! Old fashioned Dad jokes are so much better than angry observational crap! Even yoof are turning to them now. Keep the faith Brother, keep the faith.

What do you call a magician that's lost his magic?










Ian!

[Treadeager]

Keep up with the Dad jokes Tiepin

I've got a mate who has no kids , but he still tells Dad jokes ........

Some say he's a faux pas......

[Count Steer]

I watched this series and was convinced. Single dose treatments do appear to be effective. And this was being researched (mainly by the Swiss) when the Nixon administration declared a global war on drugs and the work largely ceased.

Sadly it would be difficult to access these treatment routes.

Research on psychedelics for treatment of depression started up again not too long ago. It appears they can affect brain plasticity (which could also explain long term damage in non-medical users with no dosage control etc). They're trying to remove the hallucinatory effects but isolate the useful component. The US drugs people have licenced just one example so far (ketamine derivative iirc).

Self treatment with random mushrooms is probably not recommended.

eg https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-r ... epression

[Couchy]

Do I write something here or not, I’d rather share a little. Since Grib passed some 14 years ago I’ve suffered massively with anxiety which if not kept in check turned to depression. I’ve hidden it well from most people except my wife. After a crap year she finally told me the marriage was over on Monday. I’ve had therapy all year and the anxiety is managed thankfully. But now I’m gonna be a lonely single old man sat in a house when I find one waiting for my daughter to visit. Keeping myself busy looking for a house as we’ve agreed all the split details…well I’ve agreed what’s been proposed but tbh dreading the first few nights alone. There’s a slight worry I won’t make it through them but that’s another discussion I won’t have. So here I am again starting over with no desire to do it.

[mangocrazy]

Really sorry to hear that Couchy. Even when there's not much spark left in a relationship it's still comforting to know that there's someone in the house besides yourself. Being on your own (when you don't want to be) and getting old is no fun, and especially when it signals the end of a marriage. When my wife and I have had some bad arguments potentially leading to a split it's a bit like looking into the abyss. So far we've managed to hold it together, but there's no guarantee that it will stay that way. When you're younger you can deal with stuff like that better, but it's harder as you get older.

All I can suggest is to re-build bridges with friends you may have let slip and try to keep socialised. Talking to people, even if it's only on a forum, keeps the old grey matter ticking. Face to face is best, but any kind of interaction is good.

[Couchy]

Under such terrible circumstances, for which sincere condolences, you might look for some way to make the house purchase a positive experience. Something that will open up this next stage of your life. Personally, I'd be looking for somewhere that had potential for building a really nice shed/workshop or garage(s). Plan to make yourself busy. If that's not your bag, spend some time thinking about what it is you're going to do with your life and find somewhere that supports that ambition.

When suffering from depression, you can't focus on the negative because if you are expecting your life to become a miserable lonely existence, well, that's what you'll end up creating for yourself. It is a self fulfilling prophesy and incredibly self destructive.

I don’t believe I’m depressed I think I’ve reached a point I’ve done enough and not bothered about anything else. Obviously I’ve fit my daughter so need to think about her but as I said for me I don’t care anymore. I’ll try and do my best and if it doesn’t work at least I’ve tried.

[MyLittleStudPony]

Do I write something here or not, I’d rather share a little. Since Grib passed some 14 years ago I’ve suffered massively with anxiety which if not kept in check turned to depression. I’ve hidden it well from most people except my wife. After a crap year she finally told me the marriage was over on Monday. I’ve had therapy all year and the anxiety is managed thankfully. But now I’m gonna be a lonely single old man sat in a house when I find one waiting for my daughter to visit. Keeping myself busy looking for a house as we’ve agreed all the split details…well I’ve agreed what’s been proposed but tbh dreading the first few nights alone. There’s a slight worry I won’t make it through them but that’s another discussion I won’t have. So here I am again starting over with no desire to do it.

I'm really sorry to hear that mate. I think I can understand how hard it must be, although everyone is different.

I posted on here (well, the last place) when depression came to me after my marriage ended. It completely swept the rug out from under me and I was a real mess. I often felt going on was not worth it and so not going on was the obvious choice. I hung in there (for my kids more than anything) and slowly improved after bouncing along the bottom for some time. Now I'm better than ever and loving life. But I have some insight into how hard it can be.

I know everyone's situation is different but I do know things can improve massively with time and a bit of support. Reach out for that, however is best for you. I lost count of the times I thought those terrible thoughts, rang the Samaritans, called NHS 111 option 2, unloaded and cried to friends in person or on the phone and did other things which were darker and more desperate. Getting support helped get me through it (as did the tablets!). It all passed. Recovery happens and you will feel great about life again, I promise.

If you ever want, give me a shout, anytime, I'm not a million miles away I think.

[Count Steer]

Best wishes Couchy, sincerely hope you get through this OK.

[Skub]

Take care couchy and be well,even the shitty times pass.