Jokes Thread

[Felix]

Considering also,there are about 18 different types of penguin in Antartica,I don't think just one pair would have sufficed.

Only the King Penguin is pure. The rest are mutant breeds due to all the King Penguins kids inbreeding.

[Felix]

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[ZRX61]

[ZRX61]

I know right.

Obviously they'd swim

That isn't even the main issue with the story... This is:

Enough rain to cover *all* land on the planet (in 40 days) would have required so much water in the atmosphere that all life on Earth would have drowned just trying to breathe.
For that rain to fall in 40 days would have seen 725ft of rain falling each day across the entire planet, 30ft an hour, 6in per MINUTE.

& then it took another 150 days to recede... To where exactly? Lets not forget that the sea level rose by the same 725ft a day during the 40 days.

[Saga Lout]

I know right.

Obviously they'd swim

That isn't even the main issue with the story... This is:

Enough rain to cover *all* land on the planet (in 40 days) would have required so much water in the atmosphere that all life on Earth would have drowned just trying to breathe.
For that rain to fall in 40 days would have seen 725ft of rain falling each day across the entire planet, 30ft an hour, 6in per MINUTE.

& then it took another 150 days to recede... To where exactly? Lets not forget that the sea level rose by the same 725ft a day during the 40 days.

This is God we're talking about, right? The God that made everything, laid down all the rules, can break His own rules on a whim? That God? Magicking up a vast quantity of water is child's play to a God who can create a whole universe in six days.

[Mr. Dazzle]

[ZRX61]

This is God we're talking about, right? The God that made everything, laid down all the rules, can break His own rules on a whim? That God? Magicking up a vast quantity of water is child's play to a God who can create a whole universe in six days.

The one who didn't know where the Sun went at night according to his autobiography? That god? The one who said "Let there be light" on day one, but didn't think to create the Sun until three days later? That god? The one who got every single *fact* about the universe wrong (with one exception)

[Horse]

A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.

[Taipan]

From what little I remember from Sunday school, God was angry at his creation as it had descended Ito a pit of corruption so decided to destroy what he’d created. God told Noah who gathered the animals 2 by 2 and put them in his boat. He floated around a bit until he beached on a mountain, then came down as the floods drained and Gods creation started over again. The moral being don’t mess with the big guy or he'll mess you up but he has also demonstrated that he can be forgiving. The only stupid thing about the myth is people have actually spent good money looking for the arc!

[MrLongbeard]

Either way, Morgan Freeman plays a good god.

[Count Steer]

This is God we're talking about, right? The God that made everything, laid down all the rules, can break His own rules on a whim? That God? Magicking up a vast quantity of water is child's play to a God who can create a whole universe in six days.

The one who didn't know where the Sun went at night according to his autobiography? That god? The one who said "Let there be light" on day one, but didn't think to create the Sun until three days later? That god? The one who got every single *fact* about the universe wrong (with one exception)

Woah! Be fair to the guy with the long white beard, I don't think he actually wrote the New Testament. It's what the author(s) assume he did/said and it's not like they were there at the time, given it was written some time later. I guess they hadn't got much hands-on experience of creation-management task scheduling.

[Horse]

Woah! Be fair to the gal ... I don't think she actually ...

Ftfy

[Skub]

Woah! Be fair to the them ... I don't think they actually ...

Ftfy

ftfyp.

[Yorick]

Woah! Be fair to the them ... I don't think they actually ...

Ftfy

ftfyp.

???

[weeksy]

FFS, back to the point hey ?

Jokes thread.... not complete fucking bollox thread.

[Horse]

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[MrLongbeard]

Woah! Be fair to the guy with the long white beard, I don't think he actually wrote the New Testament.

I didn't.

[Saga Lout]

Ftfy

ftfyp.

???

God is three persons...
Or do I mean God ARE three persons?

[Horse]

* Breaking News *

The Home Office has just announced that plans to send illegal immigrants to Rwanda have been scrapped.

Instead, they're going to deport pensioners to France. Much easier to catch and much less likely to find their way back.

[Sadlonelygit]

From what little I remember from Sunday school, God was angry at his creation as it had descended Ito a pit of corruption so decided to destroy what he’d created. God told Noah who gathered the animals 2 by 2 and put them in his boat. He floated around a bit until he beached on a mountain, then came down as the floods drained and Gods creation started over again. The moral being don’t mess with the big guy or he'll mess you up but he has also demonstrated that he can be forgiving. The only stupid thing about the myth is people have actually spent good money looking for the arc!

And Noah was the ONLY person in the entire world with a boat!