Jokes Thread

[Yorick]

From what little I remember from Sunday school, God was angry at his creation as it had descended Ito a pit of corruption so decided to destroy what he’d created. God told Noah who gathered the animals 2 by 2 and put them in his boat. He floated around a bit until he beached on a mountain, then came down as the floods drained and Gods creation started over again. The moral being don’t mess with the big guy or he'll mess you up but he has also demonstrated that he can be forgiving. The only stupid thing about the myth is people have actually spent good money looking for the arc!

And Noah was the ONLY person in the entire world with a boat!

Nelly knitted it for him for Christmas.

[Taipan]

[Felix]

What's a scousers favourite cake?

Stollen

[Horse]

My mate drinks brake fluid. Lots of brake fluid, every day.

I think he's addicted.

He says he can stop anytime he wants.

[Saga Lout]

My mate drinks brake fluid. Lots of brake fluid, every day.

I think he's addicted.

He says he can stop anytime he wants.

Is anybody going to get upset if I say he's probably retarded?

[Horse]

My mate drinks brake fluid. Lots of brake fluid, every day.

I think he's addicted.

He says he can stop anytime he wants.

Is anybody going to get upset if I say he's probably retarded?

Don't bother. What's the points?

[Saga Lout]

From The Gastropod Fancier's Handbook:

Don't take the shell off your racing snail, it'll only make him sluggish.

[Horse]

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[Taipan]

[Taipan]

[Sadlonelygit]

FB_IMG_1709747593136.jpg (71.46 KiB) Viewed 988 times

[Felix]

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[Taipan]

Went swimming today. Needed a piss badly so went to the deep end. Lifeguard noticed and blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in!

[Felix]

I just said "No comment" all the way through the police interview.
I didn't get the job.

[Horse]

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[Yambo]

***Breaking news!***

A 9 year old girl has disappeared after using moisturising cream that makes you look 10 years younger.

[Taipan]

[Yorick]

One for @gremlin

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[Felix]

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[JackyJoll]

My mate drinks brake fluid. Lots of brake fluid, every day.

I think he's addicted.

He says he can stop anytime he wants.

Is anybody going to get upset if I say he's probably retarded?

That’s discrespectful.