Depression

[Yorick]

Every morning I walk 4 miles and always feel great but then go downhill late morning till mid afternoon.
I'd jobs to do today but didn't feel like it.
Then one of my best called and we talked bollox for 40 minutes. And planning the trip to BSB at Navarro.

I felt great after and done 2 of the jobs. Gonna get the paint and brushes out soon. Some folk give you positivity.

He mentioned he has 2 old racing pals who suffer from health depression. IIRC.

They panic if they get any health ailments and think they're gonna die and head to the doctor. Shit, that must be awful. Mine's always temporary

[Greenman]

I wouldn't say I'm depressed, more numb. And tired. Constantly tired and with a sense of oppression, like the world is pressing down on me.

Not sure what triggers it. Might be the surrogate stress I was having with the Gremlinette moving out, or maybe it's empty nest syndrome.

I feel like this sometimes, I'm not depressed, not suicidal, I want to live forever, but at times I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and any extra tiny little issue tips me over the edge and I feel like the world is ending. I had a flat tyre the other day and I actually felt like crying just because I didn't want to deal with it, it felt so unfair that I should have to deal with an issue as monumental as a flat tyre, it was at least as big of a deal as a nuclear war or something.

Small events that I would normally take in my stride can feel oppressive and crushing.
I feel like such a fraud, on paper I have what most people would view as a very enviable existence, but it often doesn't feel like it to me.

I'm like that pretty much all the time but unfortunately my frustration comes out in anger.

I don't suffer fools lightly, and with so many fools around these days i am frustrated quite a lot.

Any little thing can push me over the edge and i go into full rage kill mode. I need to get over it but have had it all my life and have just accepted i am a lairy bastard. It has got me in trouble many times but what can you do!

Most of the time i am a ray of sunshine to be around 'not my words btw!' but if something winds me up and tips me over the edge then i can be the absolute devil.

Hey ho. Show me the bongs - in fact, my temper is the very reason i started smoking the erb...

[gremlin]

I wouldn't say I'm depressed, more numb. And tired. Constantly tired and with a sense of oppression, like the world is pressing down on me.

Not sure what triggers it. Might be the surrogate stress I was having with the Gremlinette moving out, or maybe it's empty nest syndrome.

I feel like this sometimes, I'm not depressed, not suicidal, I want to live forever, but at times I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and any extra tiny little issue tips me over the edge and I feel like the world is ending. I had a flat tyre the other day and I actually felt like crying just because I didn't want to deal with it, it felt so unfair that I should have to deal with an issue as monumental as a flat tyre, it was at least as big of a deal as a nuclear war or something.

Small events that I would normally take in my stride can feel oppressive and crushing.
I feel like such a fraud, on paper I have what most people would view as a very enviable existence, but it often doesn't feel like it to me.

It's weird, as I hardly have any recollection of writing that, and at the moment I feel pretty good about life as a whole. Shows how these periods of depression, or whatever you want to call them, come and go.

Your last sentence is bang-on how I feel sometimes. I believe they call it 'impostor syndrome'. I'm told I do a great job, I get complimented a lot at work and a while ago somebody said to me, 'You have no idea how much you are respected in the bank'.
And yet I sit in meetings thinking everybody is smarter than me, more qualified, and that what I do is child's play and that one day I'll be rumbled.

The human psyche is fucking strange thing.

[Yorick]

After my meltdown 13 years ago, I was on propranolol regularly with Diazepam for whenever I needed it.
But stopped after 2 years.
I've managed since then ok with my coping mechanisms. But only just.
Lately a few things have happened and I've had big problems.

For last 4 weeks I've needed to put master cylinders on the GSXR and Pen's AJP, but couldn't do it. Scared of not being able to do it. So can't ride it

I've been thinking about going to see the doc, but language is a bit of an issue. Needs to be perfect to discuss medical stuff. So I've been planning a letter to write and then translate. But that in itself is a nightmare.

Broke down this morning and Pen sat with me , writing the letter as I spoke.

Wow. Was like a heavy weight off my shoulders. We're going to see doc tmrw.

Went for usual 10 mile cycle and felt so positive, I attacked Pen's M/C.
Was a bugger to bleed, but I was surprisingly calm. Cool

I've taken first step and I feel fantastic.

As usual in my world, things don't move fast. Went yesterday. Wrote a long letter describing all my symptoms then translated it.

The doc talked for ages. Then gave me Chlordiazapoxide. (Librium)
I know from helping a mate years ago that it's used to help alcoholics come off the booze.
I've not had a drink for about 5 weeks so no good here

We've been reading about it and only a short half life and only for 3 -6 months. It's to quickly help bad bouts.

That's not I want. I hopes to have something gentle for long term help.

I'm now panicking about taking these as they're quite string.
It's made things worse

[mangocrazy]

experience has taught me that most people are even bigger chancers than I am

I'm currently drinking Assam tea out of a mug which has this stencilled on it:

'The older you get, the more you realise that no-one has a fucking clue what they're doing.

We're all just winging it'

[gremlin]

Your last sentence is bang-on how I feel sometimes. I believe they call it 'impostor syndrome'. I'm told I do a great job, I get complimented a lot at work and a while ago somebody said to me, 'You have no idea how much you are respected in the bank'.
And yet I sit in meetings thinking everybody is smarter than me, more qualified, and that what I do is child's play and that one day I'll be rumbled.

The human psyche is fucking strange thing.

I don't have imposter syndrome at work (and I sometimes mix with some pretty big hitters) because experience has taught me that most people are even bigger chancers than I am

I mean a fraud as in moaning about mental health issues, when to an outsider it probably looks like I live a charmed life.

My F-i-L has four brothers. One has been battling depression for years. I remember my F-i-L's comment some years back: 'I don't know how he can be depressed, he got a fucking great pay out from BT when he took redundancy'. Like getting a wad of money suddenly lifts the dark clouds and makes you better. Who knows, if it works for depression it may work for cancer or help you grow an amputated limb back...

My wife's brother is a miserable* sod. His common retort when moaning is, 'I'd be alright if I could win the lottery'. I told him once that he go from being skint and miserable to rich and miserable, but still fucking miserable never the less.

*Miserable, and always blaming his short comings on others. Never his fault, always the world being unfair, other people fucking him over. Gets on my tits, tbh.

[gremlin]

Your kids leave home and you've suddenly got no need to work anymore

My kid has left home and it's costing me a bloody fortune. What have I done wrong?

[Yorick]

I don't think this story is out of place here.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-68449923

Very sad.

[Wscad]

Not good. Myself and the missus were glad to see the back of 2023. Bowel cancer, operations, chemo, mood swings and other stuff. For six months the furthest I travelled was 6 miles down the road to the hospital

12 months later..I had the 12 month annual check. The wonderful experience of the camera up the trades and entrance and a scan. Results come back and all is tickerty boo.

On 1st of Feb a childhood mate went in for some checks about some issues below the waistline. This mate had worked his socks off all his life. At 63 he had a nice detached house, wife, 2 kids, lovely gardens. All in all a nice carry on type lifestyle.

I went to his funeral last Friday. His wife and family were distraught. I have never seen that many tears shed at a funeral.

63 years old. Sometimes life is not fair

[Wscad]

Another mate of mine passed about 8 years ago. Smart, clever bloke and had a fair bit of dosh tucked away by all accounts

He would think nothing about going into the spare bedroom and doing 50 miles on his exercise bike 2 or 3 times a week.

In the summer, a pushbike ride from Haworth to Scarborough every weekend was the norm in one day

He sold his business and moved to Southern Ireland out in the sticks. 20 odd acres and and a fergie tractor

Was out on his pushbike one day and he had a heart attack. The docs reckoned he was dead before he hit the ground


As an aside potter, your recent posts.... I do have a look

at them. I’m bloody worried I may feel the urge to send you a Christmas card in future

Live long and prosper everyone

[Greenman]

Another mate of mine passed about 8 years ago. Smart, clever bloke and had a fair bit of dosh tucked away by all accounts

He would think nothing about going into the spare bedroom and doing 50 miles on his exercise bike 2 or 3 times a week.

In the summer, a pushbike ride from Haworth to Scarborough every weekend was the norm in one day

He sold his business and moved to Southern Ireland out in the sticks. 20 odd acres and and a fergie tractor

Was out on his pushbike one day and he had a heart attack. The docs reckoned he was dead before he hit the ground


As an aside potter, your recent posts.... I do have a look

at them. I’m bloody worried I may feel the urge to send you a Christmas card in future

Live long and prosper everyone

I'm seeing this too.

I have a few mates who's kids are now grown up and are board. They have all resorted to extreme exercise and 2 of them in the past 5 years have had a stroke, both when out either running or cycling.

I have anther that does about 2 marathons a week, not competitively just on his own and i am just waiting for him to keel over. He has gone from about 19st to 14st in a few years and was not fit at all before the running. He has just recently been made redundant from Lloyds and doesn't need to work (he is loaded, was a regional manager) but has just taken a part time job as a projects manager for BANES council for something to do.

IMO it's best to push your body and pursue a healthy lifestyle when your young but once you hit 40ish seeking a super healthy lifestyle through excess exercise etc is not the best way forward if you want to live a long life.

Thing is, IMO, people make the wrong life choices when they are young then when they get to middle age they regret them and try and counter act them by suddenly changing the way they live their lives which stresses the body and causes even further issues. Unfortunately you reap what you so, you cannot reverse the choices you have made in younger life only embrace them, so get down the pub and stop wasting your time trying to live a life you have never before pursued.

[darthpunk]

Thing is, IMO, people make the wrong life choices when they are young then when they get to middle age they regret them and try and counter act them by suddenly changing the way they live their lives which stresses the body and causes even further issues. Unfortunately you reap what you so, you cannot reverse the choices you have made in younger life only embrace them, so get down the pub and stop wasting your time trying to live a life you have never before pursued.

I have been guilty of this. Lost about 5 or 6 stone just before and during lockdown. Was only cycling 6 to 10 miles a day, but it was every day. Put weight back on having barely changed any eating habits, literally eating mostly the same stuff every day, rattling 10 miles a day on the exercise bike every lunchtime. Been moaning that my weight has not changed a jot in over a year now regardless how well I eat.

Watching one of the wifes many A&E/Ambulance based programmes with her last night and got torn into a third of a tube of Pringles, instant regret, then slapped myself awake when I balances a few crisps versus the poor bugger on the TV that was 17 weeks pregnant and having surgery to remove cancerous tumours from her neck. Suddenly the phrase "long time dead" sprang to mind

Just wish I could deal with the depressive funk long enough to actually take my bike license instead of just hanging around here and trying out every other hobby than the one I actually have always wanted to pursue

[Yorick]

After my meltdown 13 years ago, I was on propranolol regularly with Diazepam for whenever I needed it.
But stopped after 2 years.
I've managed since then ok with my coping mechanisms. But only just.
Lately a few things have happened and I've had big problems.

For last 4 weeks I've needed to put master cylinders on the GSXR and Pen's AJP, but couldn't do it. Scared of not being able to do it. So can't ride it

I've been thinking about going to see the doc, but language is a bit of an issue. Needs to be perfect to discuss medical stuff. So I've been planning a letter to write and then translate. But that in itself is a nightmare.

Broke down this morning and Pen sat with me , writing the letter as I spoke.

Wow. Was like a heavy weight off my shoulders. We're going to see doc tmrw.

Went for usual 10 mile cycle and felt so positive, I attacked Pen's M/C.
Was a bugger to bleed, but I was surprisingly calm. Cool

I've taken first step and I feel fantastic.

As usual in my world, things don't move fast. Went yesterday. Wrote a long letter describing all my symptoms then translated it.

The doc talked for ages. Then gave me Chlordiazapoxide. (Librium)
I know from helping a mate years ago that it's used to help alcoholics come off the booze.
I've not had a drink for about 5 weeks so no good here

We've been reading about it and only a short half life and only for 3 -6 months. It's to quickly help bad bouts.

That's not I want. I hopes to have something gentle for long term help.

I'm now panicking about taking these as they're quite string.
It's made things worse

Well, they lasted 10 days. Felt a bit strange and anxiety got a bit worse.
But 2 nights ago I broke down at the bar. Sat on floor crying for no reason.
Then came home and wanted to smash everything. All the patio furniture ended up in the pool.
It was hell inside my head .

Then I Googled the side effects. I'll be heading to see doc next week

Screenshot_20240312_093408_Samsung Internet.jpg (132.67 KiB) Viewed 1705 times

[Trinity765]

Well, they lasted 10 days. Felt a bit strange and anxiety got a bit worse.
But 2 nights ago I broke down at the bar. Sat on floor crying for no reason.
Then came home and wanted to smash everything. All the patio furniture ended up in the pool.
It was hell inside my head .

Then I Googled the side effects. I'll be heading to see doc next week

Screenshot_20240312_093408_Samsung Internet.jpg

Must be awful for you and Penny. I hope you get better soon X

[mangocrazy]

Well, they lasted 10 days. Felt a bit strange and anxiety got a bit worse.
But 2 nights ago I broke down at the bar. Sat on floor crying for no reason.
Then came home and wanted to smash everything. All the patio furniture ended up in the pool.
It was hell inside my head .

Then I Googled the side effects. I'll be heading to see doc next week

Screenshot_20240312_093408_Samsung Internet.jpg

Shit, those side effects do not sound like fun. Why on earth would they give you that medication when they know the side effects?

Hope you get back on an even keel soon.

[MyLittleStudPony]

There was another programme on Radio 4 about psychedelic therapy. The idea being that many conditions being seen and treated as mental illness such as bipolar, major depression, anxiety etc may in fact stem from multiple complex trauma as a child. Events so extreme the child was unable to process them at the time and has internalised them, resulting in the current dysfunction and symptoms.

There is growing evidence these can be addressed by one off or limited amounts of therapy delivered to the subject under the influence of mdma, psilocybin, etc. That in such a heightened state, the patient can revisit the events and begin to process them, aided by professional guidance.

I'm quite up for becoming a psychedelic therapist. The old green grift bores me now and may be running out. It could be a bit like when Jez became a life coach in Peep Show. I think my first degree was psychology, or half psychology, so that should be a good step in the right direction.

[Wossname]

I heard that programme too. I was not impressed by their conclusions - take some uncontrolled and random psychoactive drugs. That’ll fix it. “Psychedelic therapist?” Nonsense.

[MyLittleStudPony]

I took it as meaning controlled use of specific substances combined with specific activity which could deliver certain benefits, none of it random.

There was a TV series which went big on it a while back, How To Change Your Mind. It claimed there was considerable scientific evidence of the benefits, development of which was halted primarily by Nixon.

Apparently the Swiss (among others) are looking into it again.

[Cousin Jack]

There was another programme on Radio 4 about psychedelic therapy. The idea being that many conditions being seen and treated as mental illness such as bipolar, major depression, anxiety etc may in fact stem from multiple complex trauma as a child. Events so extreme the child was unable to process them at the time and has internalised them, resulting in the current dysfunction and symptoms.

There is growing evidence these can be addressed by one off or limited amounts of therapy delivered to the subject under the influence of mdma, psilocybin, etc. That in such a heightened state, the patient can revisit the events and begin to process them, aided by professional guidance.

I'm quite up for becoming a psychedelic therapist. The old green grift bores me now and may be running out. It could be a bit like when Jez became a life coach in Peep Show. I think my first degree was psychology, or half psychology, so that should be a good step in the right direction.

Didn't see that, but I'm not convinced. The thing that strikes me is that younger generations seem to me much more prone to problems.

Either something in modern society is causing this, and some serious research is needed to find what it is, societal, environmental, whatever. . Or today's kids are just snowflakes and need to grow a pair.

[Yorick]

There was another programme on Radio 4 about psychedelic therapy. The idea being that many conditions being seen and treated as mental illness such as bipolar, major depression, anxiety etc may in fact stem from multiple complex trauma as a child. Events so extreme the child was unable to process them at the time and has internalised them, resulting in the current dysfunction and symptoms.

There is growing evidence these can be addressed by one off or limited amounts of therapy delivered to the subject under the influence of mdma, psilocybin, etc. That in such a heightened state, the patient can revisit the events and begin to process them, aided by professional guidance.

I'm quite up for becoming a psychedelic therapist. The old green grift bores me now and may be running out. It could be a bit like when Jez became a life coach in Peep Show. I think my first degree was psychology, or half psychology, so that should be a good step in the right direction.

Didn't see that, but I'm not convinced. The thing that strikes me is that younger generations seem to me much more prone to problems.

Either something in modern society is causing this, and some serious research is needed to find what it is, societal, environmental, whatever. . Or today's kids are just snowflakes and need to grow a pair.

Or, more likely, it was embarrassing to admit you had problems when we were young. Just told to stop being daft and get on with it.