Depression

[the_priest]

As you said Docca, for her it was a sign of control over her body image. She felt she was "fat" and had a target weight, getting to it did not change how she felt, so she carried on with the weight loss, which tipped her into danger territory with her body health. She is being fed via Nasogastric system as she hides food and spits it out later. Just visited her this afternoon, scratches on her cheeks, bruised forehead due to reacting to the naso feed. She cannot cope with certain sensations (autistic spectrum related) and hates the lack of control in her diet. But she is killing herself with her dietary restrictions. Wife and I are exhausted from the visit today. We don't go next weekend as she also finds the visits stressful.

[Cousin Jack]

I can't even imagine what you and your wife are going through. All best wishes to you both, and to your daughter too.

[Skub]

Thinking of you man and wishing you strength to get over this hard time.

[Silly Car]

Hands up, I’ve had a skinful and under normal circumstances, would be more than melancholy, however, I’m more content than I’ve been than I’ve been for around the last 18 months…

So what’s been happening…

1. I was put on notice for redundancy for the first time in 30 years in the summer of 2023, now given my chosen career, IFA, this was a proper kick in the stones, especially as I’ve previously breezed for one role to another as I’ve found the interview historically straightforward. But I found I was being kicked back for role after role.

2. My father was diagnosed with a inoperable brain tumour in Sept 2023, prognosis was deafening accurate at 2.5 months, and I, and my sister (fuck knows how she dealt with everything living practically next door to to dad) had to cope with a rapid decline in a steadfastly strong man into a utterly dependant old man in a matter of days rather than weeks. God bless you dad for staying strong for as long as you did and sorry for not being there in your remaining hours. Please for your own sake, never listen to Monsters by James Blunt if you ever find yourself in this situation

3. The collapse of my marriage. Now I will never profess to being the perfect husband, I’m, like many blokes, the guy who bottles up shit and have my own issues (loss of job, hounding it hard to find a replacement role and dealing with my own health issues (malignant brain tumour which grew during lockdown and resulted in personality altering medication. But I have ended up when I am, no fault is cast and no blame is given, I am where I am as a result of and by product of my own action / lack of action, but ultimately shit happens. My wife decidied enough was enough, now many of you know her and whilst I could lay blame, I don’t, at best the problem was 50:50, but given 1, 2 an£ 3 above, more likely more likely weighted in my favour, I now see myself as a 50 something divorcee…

4. The new job was shit, properly shit, from the start of the induction week, I mean every alarm bell was ringing loud, but given the above, I was happy to abuse their ‘generosity’ of filling my bank account each month while I strengthened my mental resolve and found an alternative role which I have thankfully achieved. Do I feel any remorse for effectively taking piss for the last 12 months, fuck no, they remain in la la land in terms of the quality / experience of who they are looking for versus who they need… I have had many ‘will you stay’ conversations, to the point of taking the piss commercially, but I’d still leave.

So where am I now?

2024 was a blur, yes I secured a new role which kept the pounds rolling into my bank account but was properly fucking shit, yes I did the right thing by the former Mrs Silly Car, I’m solvent, I’m ‘happy, having benefited for 12 months of mental health therapy, god bless you Gemma for listening, disecting, rationalising, understanding, and just being a fucking rock while I went through possible the worst 18 months of my life.

In the last 6 months, I’ve been back to my favourite Indian restaurant (crawling distance from home), a couple of cover band gigs (the Southmartins are particularly good), seen Paul Heaton and James Martin live, enjoyed a few meals out and time with my beautiful daughters (and boyfriends) and tonight I’ve thoroughly enjoyed a meal at my / our favourite Italian restaurant where I felt comfortable dining alone and spending more on a meal for myself than I can ever remember spending, pro-rata on a meal for two.

I am starting a new job in a couple of weeks time, I have my dopey dog by my side and my daughters, who thankfully, due to my (now) ex I have a fabulous relationship with, everything is looking up.

I was recently asked what my h9lisay planes for 2025 are, and for the first time in a long time, I’m now looking to s9mething, don’t know what, but there will be something…


... does anyone know how to secure a five year old Labrador into the front seat of a two seater convertible and B&B options on / around the NC500 route).

My message to everyone it's, if there is any, and I mean any, fucking tiny inkling of a problem, speak to someone, any one, just fucking talk to someone about what’s going on in your head. Now I no longer see Gemma on a regular basis, but I drink an inordinate amount of coffee with a mate, spend time with my daughters, am open about the fact my brian needs a bit of assistance and I know what to to raise the flag when I’m going a touch la la.

Peace and love to y’all!

[Mr Moofo]

... does anyone know how to secure a five year old Labrador into the front seat of a two seater convertible



Peace and love to y’all!

Heavy duty sticky velcro

[Taipan]

Hands up, I’ve had a skinful and under normal circumstances, would be more than melancholy, however, I’m more content than I’ve been than I’ve been for around the last 18 months…

So what’s been happening…

1. I was put on notice for redundancy for the first time in 30 years in the summer of 2023, now given my chosen career, IFA, this was a proper kick in the stones, especially as I’ve previously breezed for one role to another as I’ve found the interview historically straightforward. But I found I was being kicked back for role after role.

2. My father was diagnosed with a inoperable brain tumour in Sept 2023, prognosis was deafening accurate at 2.5 months, and I, and my sister (fuck knows how she dealt with everything living practically next door to to dad) had to cope with a rapid decline in a steadfastly strong man into a utterly dependant old man in a matter of days rather than weeks. God bless you dad for staying strong for as long as you did and sorry for not being there in your remaining hours. Please for your own sake, never listen to Monsters by James Blunt if you ever find yourself in this situation

3. The collapse of my marriage. Now I will never profess to being the perfect husband, I’m, like many blokes, the guy who bottles up shit and have my own issues (loss of job, hounding it hard to find a replacement role and dealing with my own health issues (malignant brain tumour which grew during lockdown and resulted in personality altering medication. But I have ended up when I am, no fault is cast and no blame is given, I am where I am as a result of and by product of my own action / lack of action, but ultimately shit happens. My wife decidied enough was enough, now many of you know her and whilst I could lay blame, I don’t, at best the problem was 50:50, but given 1, 2 an£ 3 above, more likely more likely weighted in my favour, I now see myself as a 50 something divorcee…

4. The new job was shit, properly shit, from the start of the induction week, I mean every alarm bell was ringing loud, but given the above, I was happy to abuse their ‘generosity’ of filling my bank account each month while I strengthened my mental resolve and found an alternative role which I have thankfully achieved. Do I feel any remorse for effectively taking piss for the last 12 months, fuck no, they remain in la la land in terms of the quality / experience of who they are looking for versus who they need… I have had many ‘will you stay’ conversations, to the point of taking the piss commercially, but I’d still leave.

So where am I now?

2024 was a blur, yes I secured a new role which kept the pounds rolling into my bank account but was properly fucking shit, yes I did the right thing by the former Mrs Silly Car, I’m solvent, I’m ‘happy, having benefited for 12 months of mental health therapy, god bless you Gemma for listening, disecting, rationalising, understanding, and just being a fucking rock while I went through possible the worst 18 months of my life.

In the last 6 months, I’ve been back to my favourite Indian restaurant (crawling distance from home), a couple of cover band gigs (the Southmartins are particularly good), seen Paul Heaton and James Martin live, enjoyed a few meals out and time with my beautiful daughters (and boyfriends) and tonight I’ve thoroughly enjoyed a meal at my / our favourite Italian restaurant where I felt comfortable dining alone and spending more on a meal for myself than I can ever remember spending, pro-rata on a meal for two.

I am starting a new job in a couple of weeks time, I have my dopey dog by my side and my daughters, who thankfully, due to my (now) ex I have a fabulous relationship with, everything is looking up.

I was recently asked what my h9lisay planes for 2025 are, and for the first time in a long time, I’m now looking to s9mething, don’t know what, but there will be something…


... does anyone know how to secure a five year old Labrador into the front seat of a two seater convertible and B&B options on / around the NC500 route).

My message to everyone it's, if there is any, and I mean any, fucking tiny inkling of a problem, speak to someone, any one, just fucking talk to someone about what’s going on in your head. Now I no longer see Gemma on a regular basis, but I drink an inordinate amount of coffee with a mate, spend time with my daughters, am open about the fact my brian needs a bit of assistance and I know what to to raise the flag when I’m going a touch la la.

Peace and love to y’all!

Never sure of the correct response to these sort of posts, but, if its of any use, I've known you (virtually) from VD days and you've always come across to me as a very smart cookie. Successful career man with an admirable DIY ability and I was always kind of glad my wife never read about your passing weekend endeavours of home improvements, as you left me lacking! Glad you're looking forward and I wish you well .

[Wscad]

@silly car. A very telling post for the forum to see and digest. Helped me somewhat and for that ....many thanks.

Live long and prosper

On your issues with your Labrador . Try the following...

Buy some Riley’s toffee roll sweets. Chew them up in your mouth a bit, then stick them into the top jaw of the lab

3 or 4 of them is good.

The lab will spend hours trying to lick the toffee off

[Docca]

Silly- fond memories of getting pissed with you and L in Newcastle.

I’m sorry to read of your recent events. That’s a hell of a ride.

Good to come out the other side with hope- and the NC500 with wood sounds lovely.

If you’re ever near Winchester and want to pop in- door always open mate ( it is, we never lock it. Or the cars. Very lazy)

[Noggin]

... does anyone know how to secure a five year old Labrador into the front seat of a two seater convertible and B&B options on / around the NC500 route).

My message to everyone it's, if there is any, and I mean any, fucking tiny inkling of a problem, speak to someone, any one, just fucking talk to someone about what’s going on in your head. Now I no longer see Gemma on a regular basis, but I drink an inordinate amount of coffee with a mate, spend time with my daughters, am open about the fact my brian needs a bit of assistance and I know what to to raise the flag when I’m going a touch la la.

Peace and love to y’all!

So much I want to say but it would all be a bit trite really. Awesome to read that you are back on the up and velcro, as suggested above, would sort the doog


The talking bit is such a big thing. I've not seen a professional since I was in the first physical rehab place after the French rebuilt my shoulder. I struggle to find people to talk to here as don't want to bore people, or share too much in a place where everyone gossips And haven't looked for a professional since the rehab centre as my language skills weren't up to that!!

But I've recently chatted a lot more with a mate and she's brilliant, even understands disability in a way that most people don't. So she's been a bit of a rock in the last few weeks


Keep going well. We need photos of the velcro'd Lab and the holiday on the NC500!!

[Mr Moofo]

@Silly Car
sorry to hear of all the trials and curved balls you have had to deal with.

Getting away from the more serious issues and onto the Nw500, I tried to do it but found it is a complete ball ache. There is little accommodation - and what there is all gets booked up months is advance and is expensive. I guess it is now suffering from over tourism.
I would also just chip in June/July/ August the midgies are going to eat you alive in an open top car, even if you take the dog as bait
Have a look at the Wild Atlantic Way in Ireland ....

[Silly Car]

FFS, it’s just gotten very dusty in here

Thanks for the responses and offline messages, it means a lot that others are thinking of me and being supportive. This echoes the support I’ve received from friends and former work colleagues, who generally took the piss, made me meet for coffees when the whole world felt like it was against me and listened to my ramblings.

I’m not going to lie. Shit got really grim and dark in November / December 2023, which is when I sought help from the NHS and I was prescribed anti-depressants which had the very positive effect of enabling me to have a full eight hours sleep every night (and still do) and lifting my mood enough to make rational decisions rather than seeking an exit…

Things are definitely looking up, I received a text from my new boss this afternoon wishing my luck with an exam I’ve got tomorrow which is great given my current mob have barely acknowledged my departure!

Keep talking!

[D.A.]

I still experience depression episodes. They’re infrequent, these days, but even now, I have to be constantly monitoring my inner, non-verbalised thoughts in anticipation of what my subconscious mind might be doing while I’m not there. It’s a crafty, sneaky bugger, my subconscious mind, and I have to keep an eye on it.

Reading this thread reminded me of how, more than a decade ago, I noticed that I’d been waking up sometimes with music in my mind. The songs came unbidden and without conscious effort, sometimes regularly, sometimes not, but they kept turning up in my head and one day I started a thread on a forum, posting just few words and, with them, a link to a song. I didn’t explain my reason for the posting, because I didn’t give it a second thought, back then - I just did it. Very quickly, lots of other forum members began to post their “head songs”, too.

As time went on, I came to realise that if I awoke with a tune in my head, the music reflected my “mood on awakening”. If the music made me feel good, that was fine. If the music created a sense of negativity, eventually, I started to delve deeper into the crevices of my mind in order to to discover what was driving my emotions - and that was the conscious beginning of my “self-monitoring” process.

Further along my personal timeline I realised that the thread I’d started was my way of talking, not only to others, but also to myself. This is something that has worked for me - it might or might not have worked for others - and it may or may not work for some on this forum. But when you’re down - and you know you’re down - even the most minuscule positive action can be worth a try.

Why am I writing this? Well: because I recognise good, solid, sound advice advice when I see, or hear it.

My message to everyone it's, if there is any, and I mean any, fucking tiny inkling of a problem, speak to someone, any one, just fucking talk to someone about what’s going on in your head.

And that’s what I’m doing now. Just talking.

Thanks and best wishes to Scud and Silly Car.

(By the way, the title I used for the thread was “Inn Me Edd”. I first posted it in 2013 and it’s still running - showing fifty-seven thousand contributions from the members there.)

I bet not one of them has ever given thought to the possibility that they might be in “self-therapy mode”!

Anyway: this one was Inn Me Edd this morning when I woke up.

Fill in the Blank

[Silly Car]

(malignant brain tumour which grew during lockdown and resulted in personality altering medication.

Just re-reading what I posted, aside from a huge number of typos, spelling mistakes and autocorrects, there are a few corrections on my part, the lump in my Brian is most definitely BENIGN and not malignant, the personify altering aspect is just an opinion and thankfully the lump is shrinking, from baked bean size to half garden pea size with the hopeful outcome that scarring from the shrinkage will prevent future regrowth.

[Dixiethedog]

I am not depressed. But do you ever have times in life when you just feel erm...I am not even sure?
But let me tell a tale.

A friend who I see for probably a couple of hours a week asked be ( before Christmas time), "Do you fancy coming to the bike show in the NEC? I am going with such and such, leaving early in the morning and driving back on the same day" "Yes" That sound s good. So come the time abouts the NEC show I don't see my mate but expect a visit to confirm things. Please note, I don't have a mobile phone as I hate the things, so I am oldskool in that I would sooner go to somebody's house, knock and see if they are in. Anyway, the NEC show comes and goes and then my mate shows up here. I purposely keep my gob shut about the NEC to see if he brings it up, but he doesnt. So, the following week he shows up. I stick Youtube on with the NEC show on it. "Oh, we went, but it was a last minute decision, it was snowing blah blah blah and did not think that you would be bothered about going..." In other words "F*** You".

A week or two back I was home alone for about a week as my Mrs was in Paris. Which was cool. My pal who lives across the street goes to a local bike club that is mainly for old duffers with British bikes, but I know one or two of them from years ago and thought that as I had been in the house for 4 days at this point in time by myself it would be nice to chat to people and talk bikes. As you do. So I am at my pals having a cuppa and we are chatting about things (He has been through a difficult time himself and had not been to the club for a few weeks) and I ask, "Are you going to go to the club tonight?" "Yes, with what has been happening I could really do with seeing the lads to try to get my spirits lifted blah blah blah. Me," I was wondering if I can come down? I would sooner come in with you as I might not know people if such and such is not there". "Oh, I am not going, I have to nip out on a special message for my Dad etc etc..." So from saying he was going, he made a u turn and told me that he was not. And this is somebody who comes to mine, drinks my tea or coffee on a regular basis. I have done work on his bikes and he has helped me. So I just don't get it?

I don't know how I would classify myself? I don't go out to work, but I am not unemployed, I am self sufficient financially. But I am not rich! I spend my days in my sheds and doing pretty much what I want. Which is fantastic and I feel very lucky to be in this situation. My Mrs works, and some days I don't speak to a single person. She comes in from work and says and this one said this and this one said that etc. She never asks about my day(s). When we go places (family), I can sit there and if I get a hello I am amazed. Even if I am apparently helping them along £. I may as well be invisible.

That sums it up, I am invisible, I can go for days (daytimes at least unless my Mrs is away on business)without interaction, people don't seem to consider me or my thoughts or feeling. If I was not here, who would even notice? I used to always have people (bike people) around back in the day. Yesterday I was out in a cash and carry (something relevant to an old "friend") and my Mrs asked, "Do you ever see *****************"? He used to like these "things". "No", he was like the lot of them a user. If I was handy to know and useful to them then they were my mates. I am sure that we have all been there.

But to look at me, you would think that I am a happy go lucky bloke plodding on. Which I am. In my head my glass is half full. I am not the problem. It is them. But I am not depressed. I just seem at times to be in an empty void unless I am in my shed with my music on surrounded by bikes and bike bits.

Actually the last bit counter balances all of the rest of things.

[Sunny]

I am not depressed. But do you ever have times in life when you just feel erm...I am not even sure?
But let me tell a tale.

[...]

But to look at me, you would think that I am a happy go lucky bloke plodding on. Which I am. In my head my glass is half full. I am not the problem. It is them. But I am not depressed. I just seem at times to be in an empty void unless I am in my shed with my music on surrounded by bikes and bike bits.

Actually the last bit counter balances all of the rest of things.

You sound like you'd be an ace asset for Men In Sheds - they're always on the look out for handy people, and as a self-confessed happy go lucky chap to boot, you'd be great at befriending some of the folk that turn up cos they've lost touch with their mates:

https://menssheds.org.uk/find-a-shed/

I know you said you're Newcastle-ish, and there's definitely one in Bolden (my other half is a Shields lad, so I know the area a smidge).

Worth a thought to spend some time with folk who'd actually appreciate you?

[Noggin]

That sums it up, I am invisible, I can go for days (daytimes at least unless my Mrs is away on business)without interaction, people don't seem to consider me or my thoughts or feeling. If I was not here, who would even notice? I used to always have people (bike people) around back in the day. Yesterday I was out in a cash and carry (something relevant to an old "friend") and my Mrs asked, "Do you ever see *****************"? He used to like these "things". "No", he was like the lot of them a user. If I was handy to know and useful to them then they were my mates. I am sure that we have all been there.

But to look at me, you would think that I am a happy go lucky bloke plodding on. Which I am. In my head my glass is half full. I am not the problem. It is them. But I am not depressed. I just seem at times to be in an empty void unless I am in my shed with my music on surrounded by bikes and bike bits.

I didn't realise other people felt like this, I could have pretty much written this about myself - not that I have a shed etc, but the invisible bit.

When in a group of ¨friends¨ I often find they talk over me, change the subject when I'm halfway through saying something or totally ignore my contribution to a conversation; most people up here will only contact me if they need or want something. To the point I'm considering moving to the valley - not because there are any better friends down there, just because it's closer to work, to anywhere else I might want to go and the chance to maybe make friends that are more like the friends I've missed since I've moved here!! (Although I don't really expect that!)


I know I do suffer from depression (and I've had 7 and bit very long years that didn't exactly make it easy to deal with) but I generally have a grip on it nowadays. But a couple of weeks ago I was struggling with a few things and finally accepted that I was bastard lonely up here and I was upset at that (13th winter, I know a ridiculous number of people, but it turns out I've not got any mates). Anyway, someone I know passed me on my way home and started chatting at me then realised I wasn't quite hiding tears and asked if I was ok. I said no but can't talk now. She messaged me the next day to ask if I was better and I replied saying that I was struggling with being lonely and so was upset. Her response wasn't ¨do you want to meet for a coffee and a chat¨- she replied with ¨hope you feel better soon¨

Often in groups someone will be asking a question needing local info and I'll suggest the answer only to be completely ignored, like I didn't say anything or that no one believes I know anything (I never volunteer info unless I know it's true/correct!!) ! Then a few days or weeks later that person will say ¨oh guess what, I found out the answer¨ and proceed to say exactly what I'd originally said I've stopped bothering now, they don't believe me or value what I say, so bollox to it!!


There are two friends up here that do actively contact me to meet up for coffee or whatever, which, considering how many people I know up here is quite sad.


But, now I've sorted that in my head, I know where I stand, it's easier. I still get the wobbles occasionally but that's as much because of a new(ish) relationship with a couple of complications going on - lack of confidence in myself, not having any personal experience of relationships for over 25 years and distance makes everything a bit more challenging.

Now I know I'm essentially invisible to virtually everyone up here, I do feel more free in some ways; a bit sad about it all, but generally it makes life simpler in a lot of ways!!

[Buckaroo]

Your comments @Noggin perfectly sums up the situation that so many people face. Know lots of people but have few, if any friends. My work enabled me to travel extensively and get to know hundreds of people but, they're not my friends. I love my wife dearly but she's not my mate. It can feel lonely sometimes. Like a tree in a forest, all so close yet oh so quiet.

[Mr Moofo]

Your comments @Noggin perfectly sums up the situation that so many people face. Know lots of people but have few, if any friends. My work enabled me to travel extensively and get to know hundreds of people but, they're not my friends. I love my wife dearly but she's not my mate. It can feel lonely sometimes. Like a tree in a forest, all so close yet oh so quiet.

Isn’t that just the norm for most people - and more evident as you get older.

[weeksy]

Your comments @Noggin perfectly sums up the situation that so many people face. Know lots of people but have few, if any friends. My work enabled me to travel extensively and get to know hundreds of people but, they're not my friends. I love my wife dearly but she's not my mate. It can feel lonely sometimes. Like a tree in a forest, all so close yet oh so quiet.

Isn’t that just the norm for most people - and more evident as you get older.

That was my thought too. In Noggins scenario most of the people are not 'actively contacting' her, but who's to say they're actively contacting ANYONE, it just may not be happening at all.
I think the internet and places like this have helped and made it harder in equal measures as 'we' now interact on here, instead of having to go out and meet people. Of course we can still go meet people, but we now don't need to. That's a bit of a double edged sword IMO as it can lead to being more secluded/insular.

[Taipan]

Its one thing I dislike about the internet, it brings a sort of anonymity with it? Years ago I went to the local pub on a friday , or any night. No arrangements, just turn up and spend the night yakking with others you knew. I do the same on facebook now, so we never meet up. Lots of my old mates have moved away, died or I've just lost contact with. I envy my wife when she goes out with her mates once a month. For someone who was very gregariuous, i live quite a lonely life now by comparison!