Jokes Thread
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Taipan
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Pirahna
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Re: Jokes Thread
Tottenham won the Europa league last night. They haven't won anything for years, it's a couple of Spurs peeps trying to build a trophy cabinet.
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Taipan
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Re: Jokes Thread
These people who say it’s ok to let your pet sleep on your bed are wrong. Woke up this morning and my goldfish was dead...
NC750X mpg 
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Taipan
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weeksy
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Horse
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Re: Jokes Thread
Possibly this sort of thing?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c70nqk9rlxpo
Former FBI director James Comey is being investigated by the Secret Service after he shared then deleted a social media post, which Republicans alleged was an incitement to violence against US President Donald Trump.
Comey posted on Instagram a photo of seashells that spelled the numbers "8647", which he captioned: "Cool shell formation on my beach walk."
Even bland can be a type of character 
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weeksy
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Re: Jokes Thread
Oh, wanky political bollox then right.Horse wrote: Sat May 24, 2025 4:30 pmPossibly this sort of thing?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c70nqk9rlxpo
Former FBI director James Comey is being investigated by the Secret Service after he shared then deleted a social media post, which Republicans alleged was an incitement to violence against US President Donald Trump.
Comey posted on Instagram a photo of seashells that spelled the numbers "8647", which he captioned: "Cool shell formation on my beach walk."
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Taipan
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Pirahna
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Re: Jokes Thread
The problem with memes is, if they're in any way amusing about Trump and you turn up at a US airport, then you'll be on the next flight back to the UK.
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JackyJoll
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Re: Jokes Thread
Sign my petition-
Stop putting diarrhoea medication on the bottom shelf at the chemist.
Stop putting diarrhoea medication on the bottom shelf at the chemist.
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Taipan
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ZRX61
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Re: Jokes Thread
Guy goes to the dentist...
Sits in the chair, dentist comes in & starts preparing the novocaine shot
I can't do needles! They scare the crap out of me..
Dentist reaches for the mask to administer gas
I can't do gas! The mask makes me feel like I'm suffocating!
How are you with pills?
I'm fine with pills!!
Dentist returns with a Viagra
Oh wow, I didn't know Viagra is also a painkiller!
It isn't, but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth...
Sits in the chair, dentist comes in & starts preparing the novocaine shot
I can't do needles! They scare the crap out of me..
Dentist reaches for the mask to administer gas
I can't do gas! The mask makes me feel like I'm suffocating!
How are you with pills?
I'm fine with pills!!
Dentist returns with a Viagra
Oh wow, I didn't know Viagra is also a painkiller!
It isn't, but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth...
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ZRX61
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Re: Jokes Thread
A Golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to hospital.
Just before he was put under, the Surgeon popped in to see him.
"I have some good news and some bad news."
The Surgeon tells him.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
“Oh God no," the man cries.
"My Golfing is over.
Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm and I'll need your permission before go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it Doc, as long as I can play Golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the Golf Course when he bumped into the Surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm?" The surgeon asks.
"Just great," the Golfer replies.
"I'm playing the best Golf of my life.
My new arm has a much finer touch and my Putting has really improved."
“That's great."
"Not only that, My handwriting has improved, learned how to sew my own clothes and even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."
"That’s unbelievable, I'm glad to hear the transplant was such a great success.
Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, just two really," the Golfer told him.
"I have trouble Parallel Parking and every time I have an erection I get a headache.."
Just before he was put under, the Surgeon popped in to see him.
"I have some good news and some bad news."
The Surgeon tells him.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
“Oh God no," the man cries.
"My Golfing is over.
Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm and I'll need your permission before go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it Doc, as long as I can play Golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the Golf Course when he bumped into the Surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm?" The surgeon asks.
"Just great," the Golfer replies.
"I'm playing the best Golf of my life.
My new arm has a much finer touch and my Putting has really improved."
“That's great."
"Not only that, My handwriting has improved, learned how to sew my own clothes and even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."
"That’s unbelievable, I'm glad to hear the transplant was such a great success.
Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, just two really," the Golfer told him.
"I have trouble Parallel Parking and every time I have an erection I get a headache.."
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derek badger
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Taipan
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Count Steer
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Re: Jokes Thread
Arf!
(Strictly speaking Musk wasn't a 'founder' I think. Company incorporated in 03 by Eberhardt and Tarpenning. Musk on board in 04
).The plural of 'anecdote' is not 'data'.
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Horse
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Re: Jokes Thread
And, similarly strictly speaking, modern VW was created by the British army.Count Steer wrote: Mon Jun 02, 2025 9:20 amArf!
(Strictly speaking Musk wasn't a 'founder' I think. Company incorporated in 03 by Eberhardt and Tarpenning. Musk on board in 04
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivan_Hirst
Even bland can be a type of character
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Mussels
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Jody
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