Depression

[DefTrap]

I often wonder if that's my Son's problem. He always focuses on the negative side of things. If on the same day he won the lottery and trod in dog shite, he'd spend the day moaning about the dog shit.

Seafront promenade at Bournemouth, my 8yo youngest was acting-up / showing-off / misbehaving in that infuriating way that kids that age can do. As he stepped back to avoid another reprimand he trod straight in a pile of freshly laid doings, and then recoiling back in horror in the same movement a passing seagull shat on his head.

I laughed so hard I almost did myself a mischief.

[Buckaroo]

“Count your blessings” doesn’t work for people with true depression. It can/ does make things worse.

“Yes, I know I’ve got all these advantages, things, money, support, love etc, so I shouldn’t feel this awful…. But I still do. What’s WRONG with me?”

I have been through the depression and extreme anxiety mill twice in my life. Both took ages to work through. My dearest Dad, who I know loved me, always said "pull yourself together son. Remember you're a man, husband and father" . That perked me up no end. His father died in action in 1941 and he had a tough life because of it. He did his best and was a great father, he just needed a role model. I remind myself of this when dealing with my kids and their problems. So in a reverse logic way I learnt a lot from my Dad.

[darthpunk]

“Yes, I know I’ve got all these advantages, things, money, support, love etc, so I shouldn’t feel this awful…. But I still do. What’s WRONG with me?”

This is a "hit the nail right on the head" comment that fits me to a tee

You could have all the riches of the world and still be miserable, it's not always about that, it's being good enough for yourself, being good enough for other people, partner, kids etc, you will try your damnest, but yourself, that's the hardest person to please and least likely to believe

[Yorick]

When I was first diagnosed with anxiety. I remember what the doc said.

It's not cancer, it won't kill you. It's just temporary. It's bloody annoying. But it will pass.

So when I feel shit, I just wait for it to pass coz I know I'll be alright soon.
It may be an hour, later that day, or tomorrow. Just grin and bear it.

Sort of like a migraine. Bloody annoying, but just temporary. My migraines nowadays are not as bad as in my youth.

[Buckaroo]

When I was first diagnosed with anxiety. I remember what the doc said.

It's not cancer, it won't kill you. It's just temporary. It's bloody annoying. But it will pass.

So when I feel shit, I just wait for it to pass coz I know I'll be alright soon.
It may be an hour, later that day, or tomorrow. Just grin and bear it.

Sort of like a migraine. Bloody annoying, but just temporary. My migraines nowadays are not as bad as in my youth.

It really helps to know the triggers. Anxiety attacks can be caused by stacking micro triggers. Things that irritate you, and as they stack, you eventually break down with anxiety. Reduce or remove the stack before this point and you'll be less likely to have an attack.

[gremlin]

The Gremlinette had a flat tyre last night, so her car was running on the space-saver. I informed her that this wasn't a long term strategy, not least as it was on the front. She concurred. I ask if she wants to go and sort it now, get it done.

So we nip down to the local tyre place, me, her and my wallet, to see if it could be repaired. Short answer, no, but he had a new one, asked if I wanted it done, which I did.

I come back to the car and she's in a panic: why is he doing it now? Can we come back? I explained again about driving safety, but by now she's in tears and sweating. I ask her exactly what she's worried about. She tells me it that she now cannot leave and feels trapped. So I hold her hand and explain that, yes, we can leave, but that's letting the anxiety win. We can go for a walk, get a drink in the shop opposite, whatever we want to do. I also suggest to she refers to the hypnotherapy notes and do what he suggests. We sit and breathe (I'm good at breathing, me. So good I can do it in my sleep) and she's holding my hand and we talk shit for a while. Within 15 minutes, car is all done and she's all hyped and pleased that we'd done it.
She was so buzzing we cleaned the car to celebrate.

Little wins. Baby steps. Small victories.

So, some development, albeit mixed.

Gremlinette has had a few tests and one of the things picked up was low levels of vitamin B9,or folic acid if you prefer.

Symptoms? Tiredness, digestive issues, mouth ulcers, low mood, anxiety..all the things she's been describing. Great, as a prescription of B9 has been given and she's started taking them this week.

However, the last few weeks she's had fainting episodes, including one today where she knocked her head during the faint. FFS.

Spoken to her and she seems fine, although I've told her and her flat mates to keep an eye out for concussion symptoms. Apparently fainting is another symptom of low B9. I've told her to ring her GP come what may and let them know about this new development. Last check up her BP was bang on.

We seem to swap one issue for another.

[Noggin]

The Gremlinette had a flat tyre last night, so her car was running on the space-saver. I informed her that this wasn't a long term strategy, not least as it was on the front. She concurred. I ask if she wants to go and sort it now, get it done.

So we nip down to the local tyre place, me, her and my wallet, to see if it could be repaired. Short answer, no, but he had a new one, asked if I wanted it done, which I did.

I come back to the car and she's in a panic: why is he doing it now? Can we come back? I explained again about driving safety, but by now she's in tears and sweating. I ask her exactly what she's worried about. She tells me it that she now cannot leave and feels trapped. So I hold her hand and explain that, yes, we can leave, but that's letting the anxiety win. We can go for a walk, get a drink in the shop opposite, whatever we want to do. I also suggest to she refers to the hypnotherapy notes and do what he suggests. We sit and breathe (I'm good at breathing, me. So good I can do it in my sleep) and she's holding my hand and we talk shit for a while. Within 15 minutes, car is all done and she's all hyped and pleased that we'd done it.
She was so buzzing we cleaned the car to celebrate.

Little wins. Baby steps. Small victories.

So, some development, albeit mixed.

Gremlinette has had a few tests and one of the things picked up was low levels of vitamin B9,or folic acid if you prefer.

Symptoms? Tiredness, digestive issues, mouth ulcers, low mood, anxiety..all the things she's been describing. Great, as a prescription of B9 has been given and she's started taking them this week.

However, the last few weeks she's had fainting episodes, including one today where she knocked her head during the faint. FFS.

Spoken to her and she seems fine, although I've told her and her flat mates to keep an eye out for concussion symptoms. Apparently fainting is another symptom of low B9. I've told her to ring her GP come what may and let them know about this new development. Last check up her BP was bang on.

We seem to swap one issue for another.

Damn that's tough. BUT - if the B9 deficiency has been building for a while, then hopefully the prescription will sort things out.

It bugs me a bit that any symptoms of depression/anxiety gets treated first with anti depressants/anti anxiety meds when often there is an underlying cause that could be found with a range of blood tests or some sort of mental health appointment Not always obviously

Crossing everything that the prescription really helps her - and that the fainting doesn't happen again (or at least, near soft stuff!!)

Hugs to her and you guys xx

[Felix]

I am on folic acid as part of my B12 deficiency. Obviously B12 jags every 12 weeks, however. Tiredness, digestive issues, mouth ulcers, low mood, but not anxiety led my doctor to Coeliac disease. Once diagnosed and my diet was under control i was a less miserable fucker. If the digestive issues had anything to do with not wanting to be far from a shitter all day yet not having any accidents then get her to push to be tested for coeliac disease. I dont suffer depression but this was getting me down until diagnosed.

[Noggin]

I did have a go at that cbd thing. It didn’t help.

Over the last few days I’ve been trying turmeric

It has improved my well being and mood/day to day stuff if that makes sense to anyone

I'm sure you know, but Turmeric is an anti inflammatory thing.

Inflammation in our bodies can cause a huge amount of other issues including depression. Sounds weird but any imbalance of hormones, vitamins etc can cause physical and mental issues.


Due to my age I've been reading up on all this stuff, obviously related to women's health, but we are all humans (mostly!) so the effects of imbalance will be similar in both sexes.

But, everyone reacts differently so what works for one won't always work for another as everyone's systems have different triggers, but it's definitely worth trying!


Another big thing for women's health is histamine - too much. In women it's mostly created by hormone imbalance and reactions to various foods. This can also cause inflammation, amongst a whole list of other symptoms. Possibly worth a look at that (although the low histamine diet is to lose most of the things I like, so I haven't done that, yet!)


As a bit of an aside, I usually take tumeric for my shoulder/arm - I don't like to take ibuprofen every day if I can avoid it and I reckon that turmeric does help that a bit (most of my pain is the join of the deltoid into my arm and the place that the longhead bicep now finishes, which is very close to the deltoid point - the two get stressed and tight and inflammed)


Weirdly for me, despite a MASSIVE amount of stress this year, especially the last three months, I am no where near depressed any more. I can see the stress side, but it's not depression now. I'm putting that down to getting the hormones 'close' to balanced (still missing one!) and bloody wish I'd known more about hormones flipping years ago as I do suspect that they have been the main cause of my depression all my life - it started when I was around 13, just as all the hormone crap started

[the_priest]

Things took a massive change for the worse. Wife took a month of unpaid leave to be with daughter to help her get her diet right, but to no avail. She also attempted suicide, so we are living with that reality now. Incredibly stressful. I've got to deal with parish issues as well, funerals, various people's issues and much more alongside the personal realities of life. At least I have an understanding ministry team, a wife who continues to be amazing and a son who is doing what he can to help. I honestly think she needs to be committed to the hospital soon as it is becoming extremely difficult to monitor her behaviour and requirements.

[Yorick]

Things took a massive change for the worse. Wife took a month of unpaid leave to be with daughter to help her get her diet right, but to no avail. She also attempted suicide, so we are living with that reality now. Incredibly stressful. I've got to deal with parish issues as well, funerals, various people's issues and much more alongside the personal realities of life. At least I have an understanding ministry team, a wife who continues to be amazing and a son who is doing what he can to help. I honestly think she needs to be committed to the hospital soon as it is becoming extremely difficult to monitor her behaviour and requirements.

Sending good wishes

[Wossname]

So difficult to offer helpful practical advice, as all these situations are different and need different help. FWIW, our son had a major crisis when he was 21; it was suggested that he should be admitted to hospital but we felt it wouldn’t help, and Mrs W took several weeks off work to look after him. Some professional help too which he wasn’t keen to engage with, but we got through it together. I think “together” is the most important word.
But NB my first sentence ^^. Sincere good wishes >> your way.

[Taipan]

Things took a massive change for the worse. Wife took a month of unpaid leave to be with daughter to help her get her diet right, but to no avail. She also attempted suicide, so we are living with that reality now. Incredibly stressful. I've got to deal with parish issues as well, funerals, various people's issues and much more alongside the personal realities of life. At least I have an understanding ministry team, a wife who continues to be amazing and a son who is doing what he can to help. I honestly think she needs to be committed to the hospital soon as it is becoming extremely difficult to monitor her behaviour and requirements.

Thats dreadful. I went through the same and my Son seems to have got through it all now, but I remember him saying he was only here for us and not for his sake. I hope your daughter finds her way through.

[Wscad]

From our house to yours vicar ...peace and goodwill. I have no idea what else to say

[Buckaroo]

From our house to yours vicar ...peace and goodwill. I have no idea what else to say

Me too.

It's so very sad and I can't even begin to think how you cope and function when faced with this enormous challenge.

But it's our kids and we'd do everything possible to support them. Just don't forget that you and your lady need support too.

Thinking of you all.

[Wscad]

How are doing these day scud?

[Skub]

Things took a massive change for the worse. Wife took a month of unpaid leave to be with daughter to help her get her diet right, but to no avail. She also attempted suicide, so we are living with that reality now. Incredibly stressful. I've got to deal with parish issues as well, funerals, various people's issues and much more alongside the personal realities of life. At least I have an understanding ministry team, a wife who continues to be amazing and a son who is doing what he can to help. I honestly think she needs to be committed to the hospital soon as it is becoming extremely difficult to monitor her behaviour and requirements.

Thinking of you fella and wishing you the best.

[the_priest]

Thanks all. It means a great deal. I've got through all the Christmas services, our daughter visited a clinic, but it is a two hour drive away and requires me collecting her Friday PM and M25 traffic jam back home. Then taking her back on the Sunday PM after my services, again M25 battle. She stresses about being in the car.

She did however go to great lengths to get wonderful Christmas presents for each of us, showing her usual deep kindness and thoughtfulness. Wife, son and her went to watch Wicked this afternoon, so they got out for a bit. I stayed home and looked after the dog (don't like movie theatres). Baby steps again. She does need a place to get her eating issues sorted and her anxiety reduced.

[Yorick]

Thanks all. It means a great deal. I've got through all the Christmas services, our daughter visited a clinic, but it is a two hour drive away and requires me collecting her Friday PM and M25 traffic jam back home. Then taking her back on the Sunday PM after my services, again M25 battle. She stresses about being in the car.

She did however go to great lengths to get wonderful Christmas presents for each of us, showing her usual deep kindness and thoughtfulness. Wife, son and her went to watch Wicked this afternoon, so they got out for a bit. I stayed home and looked after the dog (don't like movie theatres). Baby steps again. She does need a place to get her eating issues sorted and her anxiety reduced.

Small steps eh?

[the_priest]

Daughter is off to the clinic on Thursday. She was not really given an option as she has not been sticking to her diet and has lost yet a further 1.3kg's in weight which seems impossible as there is nothing left to lose... So Thursday is a 2 hour drive to drop her off for her first week away. I may be able collect her the following Friday pm if things go well and return her on the Sunday pm for another week etc...